Divorce decree must specify splitting military retirement!

Q: I was mar­ried to a sol­dier in the US Army from 1970 to 1983. We divorced and he has remar­ried. I was told that if we were mar­ried for at least 10 years of his mil­i­tary time, I would be enti­tled to par­tial retire­ment. Is this true? Thank you for your help.

–Patri­cia, Sil­ver Spring, Md.

A: Just before you were divorced, in 1982, Con­gress passed, and the pres­i­dent signed into law, the Uni­form Ser­vices For­mer Spouses’ Pro­tec­tion Act (USFSPA).This allowed state courts to divide mil­i­tary retired pay as mar­i­tal prop­erty. Today, I con­stantly remind ser­vice mem­bers and their spouses head­ing down the path to a divorce to enlist the ser­vices of a qual­i­fied attor­ney with loads of expe­ri­ence in the area of mil­i­tary divorce. In your case, your ex-husband’s mil­i­tary retire­ment could have been divided dur­ing your divorce. It sounds as if that was not the case. The ten-year rule that you ref­er­ence actu­ally spec­i­fies that you have to have been mar­ried for ten years that over­lapped with ten years of ser­vice that was cred­itable for retire­ment in order to receive direct pay­ments from the Defense Finance and Account­ing Ser­vice (DFAS). So, you could be mar­ried for less than 10 years dur­ing his mil­i­tary ser­vice and still been awarded some por­tion of his mil­i­tary retire­ment by the state court. If it’s not in your divorce decree, I’m afraid you’re out of luck. I hope this helps…if not you, others!

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360 responses to “Divorce decree must specify splitting military retirement!”

  1. BAD RULE!

    1. i wouldn’t give the bitch a dime if I didn’t have too. The USSPA us bull­shit. I didn’t see her along side of me in the pad­dies in Vietnam.

      1. I know a guy his wife left him and told court because she cant deal with his PTSD but she still took half the money he was awarded for him hav­ing to deal with PTSD. How is this even fair

        1. ? Even in divorce VA ben­e­fits are not con­sid­ered an asset or dis­pos­able mil­i­tary income. A money hun­gry spouse may be enti­tled to half what the Mil­i­tary gave him but thank­fully the VA pay­ments are off limits.

          1. Can some­one please assist me: I was receiv­ing a por­tion of my ex-husbands retire­ment pen­sion, which we were mar­ried 22 yrs. He is receiv­ing VA Dis­abil­ity due to health issues, I was receiv­ing my por­tion and then I get a let­ter stated that it has been sus­pended out of the blue! Can some­one help or give me direc­tion? I have con­tacted DFAS they can’t or will not help me! Just frustrated!

            Thank you

          2. Have you tried call­ing your ex? If he ended up get­ting 100% VA dis­abil­ity rat­ing your retire­ment por­tion will end as dis­abil­ity pay­ments are not divis­i­ble in a divorce. IE he no longer gets a pen­sion he gets dis­abil­ity com­pen­sa­tion so there is noth­ing to divide with you. Also if he passed away and doesn’t have SBP to cover you pay­ments end on his death. Lastly if he owes the gov­ern­ment money, they get theirs first and you come last.

    2. Cur­tis, my husband’s ex who he was divorced from in 87 and only mar­ried 8 years is now try­ing to take some of his retire­ment. She is cur­rently mar­ried and has been mar­ried twice since then and employed. My step­kids are grown.

      It is in the divorce decree that he pay her part of his retire­ment but they had a ver­bal agree­ment that it was only if she did not remarry.

      Is there any way we can fight this?

      I would rather move to Uganda then pay her another dime she is a crazy —-.

      1. if it’s in the decree he’s screwed, you can’t change it. It should have been writ­ten into the decree instead of trust­ing her word that she would only get it if she didn’t remarry.

  2. Go Jim, I totally agree.

    1. Unless your ex doesn’t think he has to help when pay­ing for his grow­ing chil­dren that require more than the child sup­port that is required of him to pay and he only sees his kids 3 times out of the 10 years you’ve been divorced!!!!! Think before you agree!!!!!!! We ARE enti­tled to something!

      1. Yes, Can­dee you are. The prob­lem is most have heard via rumor or friends they are enti­tled to a por­tion of the retire­ment. Fed­eral law pro­tects spouses who are mar­ried to a ser­vice mem­ber for 20 years, 15 years or 10 years, if the time over­laps with cred­itable ser­vice. How­ever for 10 years of mar­riage you are not likely to get 50% of mil­i­tary retire­ment. It is up to the court and the lawyers. Most set­tle­ments for 10 years of mar­riage are closer to 20% and have a remar­riage clause. Most spouses will never see this money.

  3. Oh well half when he was home! But maybe if we did the math then maybe more then 50% should go to the INJURED SPOUSE since the mli­tary mem­ber was GONE for MORE than HALF the time and left the spouse with MORE than HALF the house­hold respon­si­bil­i­ties while HE/SHE was out cheat­ing around on the spouse AS WELL AS the chil­dren they are HALF respon­si­ble for. That adds up to TERRIBLE allowances for the mil­i­tary mem­ber. Shame on those of you who oppose shar­ing that retire­ment because you pooh pooh those you walk out on! It has NOTHING to do with bet­ter­ing them­selves, it has EVERYTHING to do with YOU and YOUR self­ish­ness. Maybe you should think about those you hurt before hav­ing to suf­fer the con­se­quences of hav­ing to be held finan­cially responsible!

    1. I feel deeply for mil­i­tary and civil­ian spouses that are walk out on. I want them to get what they deserve. I also know that alot of spouses that stay home and so call “take care of home and kids” while the Mil­i­tary spouse is away are finan­cially ruing the ser­vice mem­ber and com­mit­ting adul­tery too!


    3. What does a mil­i­tary mem­ber get when his spouse injures him? Nothing!

      1. What does a mil­i­tary spouse get when the mil­i­tary mem­ber injures her phys­i­cally, men­tally, and finan­cially.……
        Not a damn thing, but told by her attor­ney that she needs to buck up since she has a degree, but that degree does not have pres­i­dent over peo­ple with expe­ri­ence to get hired over her.….

  4. OH MY GOODNESS. More mil­i­tary peo­ple who destroy lives and think they can walk away. In our case, he went to KOREA knocked up a DRINKY GIRL and walked out on his ORIGINAL FIRST TWO CHILDREN and ME! Yet you peo­ple are whin­ing for THAT mil­i­tary mem­ber that has to divide his retire­ment. Yeah he was serv­ing the mil­i­tary or was he? I mean if he was able to con­nect and impreg­nate a for­eign female WHILE serv­ing the mil­i­tary then I guess he, like many mil­i­tary peo­ple out there cheat­ing with any­thing that walks which ulti­mately destroys a GOOD FAMILY left behind to pay bills, care for the house oh and yes TAKE CARE OF THE CHILDREN should have to share but it is sad to hear peo­ple defend­ing the sol­dier and the retire­ment when he balked at the respon­si­bil­i­ties that was HALF his too!

    1. Thats one case you mar­ried a loser.. I have tons of friends in mil­i­tary faith­ful that their wifes cheated on them got caught and still got the house and half his money. Where is the fair­ness there? He should have to take care of his kids..
      A drinky girl that is nasty


      1. Gill,

        You are right

    3. CINDY,
      NOT ALL Sol­diers do what hap­pened to YOU!! Some are in such cases as I know of a num­ber of, are major tar­gets for those that ARE look­ing for a way to get money from any RESOURCE that they can!! MOST do NOT work and yet while the SPOUSE is in HARMS WAY dur­ing a WAR, instead of sav­ing money, it is spent and THE SPOUSE THAT IS LEFT AT HOME to take care of those so called CHILDREN is the actual one that is doing the CHEATING!!!! IT HAPPENS ON BOTH SIDES!! YOU just hap­pened to have it hap­pen to you! I am an Air­Force Brat, who’s real father walked out on 4 of us and left my mother to fend the best she could on her own. She held down two jobs and was killed in a car acci­dent when I was a young girl! Be thank­ful that YOU at least get to raise your chil­dren and IF their father wants to have some­thing to do with them, be with them, do not be like oth­ers and bad mouth the other par­ent! I went through crap to raise my chil­dren and on MY OWN, no help from fam­ily, EX, who was NOT mil­i­tary, but received a HUGE set­tle­ment that was gone in less than 6 months time. HE has to deal with OUR chil­dren NOW that they are GROWN.

      1. Some­times, it is best to let things go and let God be the nav­i­ga­tor! I pray you find peace, com­fort from the things that have what seems to be, made you extremely angery at the Mil­i­tary as a WHOLE! Don’t judge them all just because of the bad apples that are EVERYWHERE. May God keep you and your fam­ily and I pray you don’t have to go through what “I” did just to raise my fam­ily on my own.

    4. Cindy, _I know exactly what you are say­ing because the same exact sit­u­a­tion hap­pened to me. The sad thing is he thinks he did noth­ing wrong.

    5. Lets hold up here. Please do not gen­er­al­ize all of us in the same boat here. My oxy­gen thief turned into a fill­ing sta­tion, sleep­ing with over 25 men while i was in the field or serv­ing my Coun­try. While i was sleep­ing with an M16, she was sleep­ing with men, dis­abled men at that. I wish she would have at least got paid. I am divorc­ing a mis­fit. In your case your hus­band was fit more for the Sal­va­tion Army. The judge should have ordered him to be cut off in more ways then one. Maybe you was a softy and her seen it com­ing or a cup cake. Most women in the mil­i­tary date around on their hus­bands. In the civil­ian sec­tor it is the men that mainly date around on the woman. Truly you mar­ried a loser

    6. I totally agree Cindy! I was a stay home mom for ten years to our dis­abled son while he was deployed and I found out too that he was hav­ing indis­cre­tions the whole time. I went to col­lege in and around his deploy­ments but am about a year shy of hav­ing my edu­ca­tion degree and now divorced with full cus­tody of our pre­cious Autis­tic son. I didnt have any money when we divorced and i had to go uncon­tested with him to his lawyer. I didnt get any por­tion of his pen­sion. I just needed it for about 4yrs to fin­ish col­lege and get on my feet to take care of our son. He tricked me out of it and I got screwed roy­ally and worse. Our son did too!! I was mar­ried to this con­trol freak for 15 yrs and yes he was in the Navy the whole time. Retired and found out he was hav­ing an affair but he had been so men­tally abu­sive for so long, I didnt love him any­way. I just feel I should have got­ten a fair shot at start­ing over. My son and I are strug­gling and liv­ing with my mom while he goes to school and works temp jobs at the local Army base and draws pen­sion, dis­abil­ity etc. So I under­stand your anger, bit­ter­ness and resent­ment. Best of luck to you Cindy

    7. You are what is wrong with the world just because your hus­band did that to you does not mean all mil­i­tary peo­ple are like that. I have been mar­ried for 14 years and in the mil­i­tary for 17. I love my wife and three kids and would do noth­ing to hurt them. I have also been deployed 5 times and never cheated. If you want to know the truth most of the time it is the spouse that cheats when the hus­band is gone on deploy­ment. I HAVE SEEN IT ON EVERY DEPLOYMENT I HAVE BEEN ON. So you can go to HELL with your ste­ri­o­type of MILITARY PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!

    8. AMEN CINDY!!! Im a mil­i­tary brat and I watched my mom go through that!

    9. 1. I dis­cov­ered that my (then) ACTIVE DUTY AF MSGT hus­band is a cross-dresser! We were sta­tioned at Yokota AB Japan at the time; I dis­cov­ered his secret in May 2007. Want­ing to save our mar­riage, I stayed and endured twice weekly 4 hour round trip train rides into down­town Tokyo. I only left, in August 2007, when it became ABUNDANTLY clear that he was not will­ing to TRY. Upon my return, from vis­it­ing a girl­friend in the apart­ment below, I dis­cov­ered that he had been try­ing on my under­wear… It sud­denly hit me…if he can’t help him­self, when I’m just steps away, what will he do when he retires, we get back to the States, he has no (mil­i­tary) con­se­quences, AND he has access to God knows what/who? In the end, I left for my own safety.

    10. 2. An Air Force depen­dent spouse has to be mar­ried to the Active Duty mem­ber for a total of TWENTY years AND it has to over­lap the AD member’s ser­vice. Since I had ‘only’ been mar­ried to Aubrey for 17 of his 20+ AD years, I was going to get BUP-CUS. So, even though I KNEW I was going to get BUP-CUS, I KEPT Aubrey’s secret, so he could retire! I’m a can­cer sur­vivor, the med­ical ben­e­fits were FAR more impor­tant to me than ANY amount of money.

    11. Thank u Cindy

    12. Way to go Cindy. These mil­i­tary retirees need to pay up. They use us then walk away. They should have to give more than half, after being a home­maker, mother, faith­ful wife for 23 years I deserve it. I do not have a career because he wanted me to stay home with the kids, work part-time and be a home­maker full time. Now our kids are grown and mov­ing on so is he. He is get­ting away with mur­der here!

      1. YOU made a CHOICE to not get a job.…once the kids were in school you should have con­tributed to the household…If the kids are grown and you are still vol­un­tar­ily unem­ployed that is your OWN fault.…why should he have to pay for you for the rest of his life, he’s already paid for your very exis­tence for the past 23 years. And I too am a mil­i­tary spouse…one that finds com­ments like this DISGUSTING.

      2. Thank you for your sac­ri­fice and other like you. Some don’t under­stand until they have to walk in your shoes(to the fullest). I am a vet and mil­i­tary spouse. I do believe that not all mil­i­tary mem­bers cheat on their spouse, but believe me there are a good bit that do(physically and emo­tion­ally). Sad to say some of the mil­i­tary peo­ple that aren’t cheat­ing see to other deep in it and see and don’t see method. I in Yoko­suka, Japan and I see hus­band with females from they com­mand being very dis­hon­or­able and noth­ing but a slap on the hand aka talk to about it is only done. As I saw mil­i­tary spouse in rela­tion­ship with other sailors. It some­times make me ashamed to said I was in the mil­i­tary. Because I under­stand mar­riage is hon­or­able. Core is honor, courage, and com­mit­ment I guess not. Why is it not hon­or­able to be faith­ful in your mar­riage, but you sup­pose to have honor serv­ing the mil­i­tary. Many ask that question

    13. That is just one gross inci­dent. Not all mil­i­tary peo­ple are like that. nfor­tunal­tely you got your­self a hor­ri­bly per­son. But, put your­self in some­one shoes who actu­ally have been a good spouse and the ex who wasn’t mil­i­tary cheated on the mil­i­tary mem­ber or worse. Do you still think that per­son should be allowed to have half of that mil­i­tary mem­ber retire­ment. I think not.

  5. What about the spouse that cheats and walks out on the mil­i­tary mem­ber? I think half the mil­i­tary retire­ment should be on a case by case basis.

    1. D. Green: Split­ting mil­i­tary retire­ment is done on a case-by-case basis. It is sim­ply con­sid­ered mar­i­tal prop­erty and the divi­son is decided by a judge with input from both spouses and lawyers. So sorry if that sce­nario hap­pened to you.

      1. Ma’am,
        Though the USC states the states MAY split th ere­tire­ment pay, most of them (liek VA) read it as they MUST. This law has got­ten so abused. Why does the goven­r­ment not adjust or refine it? I knwo there are bad sit­u­a­tion on bothe sides but, being in the ser­vice, I get to see a WHOLE LOT of mil­i­tary really get­ting screwed. Most, incldu­ing my hus­badn, are willign to give thier ex spouses some­thign for thier sup­port but to just spit a fig­ure of 50% like some states do is abuse of this law. What about the cases where the spouse did have a job/skills? This is not even fac­tored in.

        1. What if the spouse does have a job and a degree, but had to accept a job that is not pay­ing any­thing to help her sur­vive, and take on another job to make it barely..What about that…Just because a spouse may have a degree, it does not mean she can get a job over some­one else who has more expe­ri­ence than she does. I have a bachelor’s degree and a asso­ciate and cer­ti­fi­ca­tion for Clin­i­cal Med­ical Assis­tant. But has all that edu­ca­tion got me. I big ??? school loan and not a job to help pay for it.??????

    2. I think the spouse should work and get their own retirement…period. Stop using Sol­diers as meal tickets!!

      1. Deserve a part of his retire­ment? Yes I do! It was the only thing that was worth any­thing after all of those years. AAFES doesn’t give any­one retire­ment unless they were full time. Going back to school is what finally broke us up. You can not judge on just your exper­ince alone. If I could get a job that would sup­port my dis­abled daugh­ter , her son and I, I would be happy to give him that petty small amount of money BACK! It isn’t even enough to pay the rent with! I am talk­ing about a very small 3 bdrm in Okla­homa. I still have to put anothe $250 with it to pay the rent! My adult Son tells me I live in the ghetto so there you go.

      2. AMEN.…military mem­bers are get­ting screwed as well. I know friends that are serv­ing in Afghanistan, Iraq etc…who spouses are cheat­ing on them while they are fight­ing for their free­dom. One per­son wife waited until the mil­i­tary mber dropped his paper­work for retire­ment and divorced him…leaving him noth­ing. He would have been home­less if it wasn’t for a friend who took him in until he can find a job. Where is his wife now? With another man liv­ing off his retire­ment check, child sup­port and alimony.

      3. I think Sol­diers need to put a lot of effort in their mar­riages as well as they do their jobs, then maybe their wouldn’t be so many divorces.……

    3. I think the cheater should receive NOTHING!

    4. I agree i just posted a com­ment where my to be ex. was ser­vic­ing over 25 men. Since then she has lost her teeth, prob­a­bly ate them, and gained over 450 lbs. She has high blood pres­sure and snores with a mask on. based on those facts, it is a mat­ter of time that she will be float­ing on the clouds

    5. Green these ladies do not get it.

      It is fine and under­stand­able that they are tak­ing care of home. But if they are depend­ing solely on the mil­i­tary check that is their job to take care of home. They think a sol­dier can muti-task and be out serv­ing his Coun­try and them too. Our hoses only fit but so far. Maybe some guys have 2000 foot hose.

    6. We just won a divorce case in Vir­ginia, 11 year mar­riage, father got pri­mary cus­tody of the young chil­dren and wife got NONE of his retire­ment, she did spend his $30,000 redux retire­ment advance while he was in Iraq, so I guess she got some of his retire­ment. But her behav­ior was so egre­gious and offen­sive to the court she got noth­ing else. There is hope.

      1. Happy to hear it. That means there are still some judges out there that act fairly to the cir­cum­stances. I think that is all any­one on here wants…fairness!

      2. That is a shame…how mil­i­tary mem­bers are to their spouse

    7. I agree with you about a case by case baisi. In the cil­vian world it use to be the man that messed up, but more and more the woman is cheat­ing on the cil­vian side and mil­tary side. That thing I was with hit tyhe block every­time I went to the field. Now after 20 years she not only reveals she was with me for the money, but also that the old­est son is someoone elses. The spouses need to under­stand that we served for their free­dom. They have not earned any­thing. This makes one wish he was a citzen in another country.

  6. June, although I agree with some of these com­ments, I dis­agree about the case by case basis. The law says a judge can grant up to 50%, but it seems to be a given. I’ve been fight­ing this for 20 yrs, my wife divorced me 2 days after I retired and I did’nt even know it and I was there. I was never served with papers or any­thing, the day before court , I was at the recruit­ment office to sign back up for Iraqi Free­dom, the next day I went on vaca­tion. Now, 20 yrs later, two judges in New Mex­ico told me I was going to pay because Calif. said I had to, even though I,m 100% dis­abled and the only income I recieve is VA dis­abil­ity and SSA, even though it’s pro­tected by Fed­eral Law they granted her $700 a month or jail. We lived together for approx. 5yrs.

    1. The 50% is it 50% of whta that per­son would get in retir­ment at the time of divorce or after they put in 10 more years?


    2. Rick you need to be a part of the group 5301, look it up on the Inter­net. I am a part of it where we are fight­ing to pro­tect mil­i­tary dis­abil­ity. Under U.S.C Title 38, sec­tion 5301 the Fed­eral Courts set aside pro­tec­tion for our dis­abil­ity money, but the State judges work around this, because the Fed­eral Courts did not specif­i­cally say the words, exclu­sion to divorces and alimony. The women that go that low are vin­dic­tive and greedy. A guy burned him­self com­pletely up in the front of a court house this in protest to this type of deci­sion of the courts. this is why woman should not be excluded from going on the bat­tle­field , because many of them do not give a dame about us veterans.

  7. Could some­one please tell me: I am a for­mer mil­i­tary spouse who has been receiv­ing retire­ment pay. I have just got­ten remar­ried. I under­stand that I am still enti­tled to the ben­e­fits, but was won­der­ing how I go about chang­ing my name and address on the checks they send me.

    1. This is the BEST answer I have EVER seen ! Noone could’ve said it any better :-)

    2. you remar­ried go on with your life, you divorce him, you lost it,so leave it behind also,

      1. Serve along side, yes serve along side a mil­i­tary mem­ber who is always gone and con­stantly under stress and decides to aban­don his fam­ily then talk to the rest of us who did just that. We, the spouses and the chil­dren become the causal­i­ties of war and mil­i­tary life.

        1. I did that„ My wife in mil­i­tary cheated on me more then once. I didnt fight for any money.. called it a day and left.. I have my own life. I am an adult I can sup­port myself..

          1. Ok. That is you. I have worked my entire life… I mar­ried some­one 10 years older than me. I worked pro­fes­sional jobs, went to school, and con­tributed to the house­hold. I quit those jobs to move with him when asked and lost pay increases, retir­ment, and pro­mo­tions. I also had a child after he retired. The entire time, I put up with exces­sive drink­ing, being called a spousal unit, and giv­ing of my time and money to young Marines and my husband.

          2. As I gave him 1/2 of the retire­ment I saved, I expect 1/2 of his retire­ment. He would not have stayed in with­out my sup­port, he would not have applied for pro­mo­tions with­out me telling him he could do it, and he wouldn’t have the life he has with­out my promt­ing and hard work. I under­stand that most of you may be hard work­ing men. I am a hard work­ing woman.

          3. I deserve respect and after 18 years of mar­riage and 25 years of working…I deserve every penny. You read this right…not all Marines are lead­ers. I am tired of hav­ing some­one in my home that believes he can treat me like shit, use me, expect hand­outs, and COMPLAIN. That is the prob­lem. Some of you have been waited on and told what to do all of your life. It is time for you to shut your mouths and stop act­ing like vic­tims. Those of us that have been away from our fam­i­lies (I still am) don’t have any­one to rely on and we have kids. You are a bunch of stu­pid asses to be mak­ing gen­eral state­ments to women with chil­dren that have a home to pay for, child­care, food, cloth­ing, etc. Believe me…you can’t live on 1/2 of ones retire­ment. I would have stayed mar­ried if he lit­er­ally wasn’t dri­ving me nuts. BTW … did I men­tion that he only sees his son 4 hours a week and every other week­end? So, who pays the bills? Who does the work?

          4. I respect what you have said. But what spouses do not under­stand is the men­tal stress us men endure on the bat­tle­field. We watch our buddy’s get their heads shot off, we loose legs and we come home to spouses that have sleep with every Tom, DICK and Harry. Many of them divorce us because of our dis­abil­i­ties. In that case it was no love from the start, but they expect us to stick with them when they start falling apart; teeth falling out, eye balls and all. But also you need to under­stand that you were given the money buy Con­gress or the peo­ple, not out of what you deserved. If you had to tell your hus­band to stand up for his rights, then he should have joined the Sal­va­tion Army and not the reg­u­lar Army. The Army is not for Boy Scotts.

        2. Well, maybe no body should serve their Coun­try. Let the enemy come through the walls while the hus­band is at home pleas­ing his wife that says she is a casu­alty. My wife was at home ser­vic­ing the men in the rear while i was defend­ing her free­dom to pro­vide ser­vice to many men.

    3. And I thank Uncle Sam, my ex and any­body else who saw the jus­tice in it all!

    4. you will need to con­tact dfas for more infor­ma­tion. hope this helps

    5. Actu­ally, your retire­ment ben­e­fits should stop once you are mar­ried and if it is found out you will be forced to pay it back. There is a reg­u­la­tion about spouses remar­ry­ing and the stop­ping of the 50%.

      1. no she does not have to pay it back cause she got remar­ried, again it is con­sid­ered as prop­erty not as a had out. if you know so much tell us where the reg­u­la­tion is that states that.

  8. I agree that an ex spouse should get a por­tion of the serviceman’s retire­ment if she con­tributed to the suc­cess of that ser­vice mem­ber. But in my case, my ex almost destroyed my career, she is totally, 100% unpa­tri­otic and yet, she gets a por­tion of my retire­ment, it erks me to no end. There should be bet­ter laws pro­tect­ing the ones that pro­tect this coun­try. It has got to stop.

  9. My mother was mar­rie to my Viet­nam era father for 27 years, 22 of those years were while he was actively serv­ing. He aban­doned her, divorced her against her will, but their divorce decree says that she is enti­tled to all mil­i­tary ben­e­fits com­ing to her. He then remar­ries and later dies. The sec­ond wife, who never spent a minute with him in the Army, applies for his ben­e­fits and gets it. I had been scream­ing at my mother all those years that thsoe where her ben­e­fits. She nows has Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s, and I am attempt­ing to get her the ben­e­fits she is enti­tled to. The VA says since she was not mar­ried to dad when he died, she is not enti­tled to his ben­e­fits??? They will not even con­sider the fact that their divorce decree is a Court Order. How is that a sec­ond wife who never spent a day with my father in his mil­i­tary ser­vice was eli­gi­ble for his ben­e­fits when my mother who spent his whole enlist­ment mar­ried to him adn has a divorce decree say­ing the ben­e­fits are hers, … is get­ting the shaft from the VA? I don’t get it!

    1. Rose, I am going thru the same exact thing. My father served dur­ing the Viet­nam and Korean eras, and my par­ents were mar­ried for 22 years. She had to move around, work, and raise her chil­dren alone dur­ing his deploy­ments. When they divorced in the early 80’s, the divorce decree stip­u­lated that my mother was to receive a por­tion of my father’s mil­i­tary pen­sion and she did until his death in 1994. After that, his new wife that he had no chil­dren with, and was mar­ried to for only 7 years go the whole sha­bang! You tell me where is the jus­tice!!! My mom didn’t aban­done her mar­riage, my dad left her. Now in her sev­en­ties, she has to split her social secu­rity check with my dad’s wife, and get no other ben­e­fits. Let me know if you make any head­way with the VA because we haven’t it’s a sad sit­u­a­tion for the spouses of enlisted and retired mil­i­tary that did what they were sup­pose to do dur­ing wartime and were given the shaft!

      1. I am in a sim­i­lar pre­dic­ta­ment I had sbp and because of improper word­ing
        In my divorce decree that I was unaware of… even my hus­band thought I would be get­ting the sbp must be started within a year but worded prop­erly in the decree before one can con­tinue to pay for it. I thought when I stated that I wanted the sbp upon his retire­ment that he was a given. My ex wants wants his new wife to receive it. the new wife who did not live him one day while in the ser­vice plus did not have to move and give up her job has retire­ment from Canada.

      2. Rose she has to be granted surv­iors benifits and mil­i­tary retire­ment in the divorce. retire­ment is con­sid­ered com­mu­nity prop­erty. and she qual­i­fied as a 20/20/20 spouse because she served 20 years cre­di­a­ble ser­vice. But within one year of divorce she has to sub­mitt a decree to dfas! oth­er­wise she looses Her right to surv­iors benifits! That is what so many woman do not real­ize and are not told! I am going through the same thing! con­gress can over­turn it! And only Con­gress! So write your con­gress­man or woman!

  10. My husband’s ex-wife is get­ting 50% of his retire­ment. He was 40% dis­abled. He has now received 10% more dis­abil­ity, which makes him 50% dis­abled. There­fore, his retire­ment will increase. How do we keep his ex-wife from receiv­ing more of his retire­ment than at the time of the divorce?

    1. @Lynn. How can you con­demn a per­son when you have NO idea what the cir­cum­stances are ? For all we know his for­mer spouse had a boyfriend while he was gone dur­ing his years of ser­vice. (an exam­ple) It is NOT your place to judge. And I, for one, agree with unfair_rights. The for­mer spouse is already get­ting half of his retainer/retirement as it is. (that she does NOT deserve) She didn’t fight the bat­tle. So she stayed home, maybe with the kids. Big deal. Why should any­one have to pay a for­mer spouse FOR LIFE ????

      1. Thanks Becky couldn’t have said it bet­ter! Also, unfair rts. Your hus­band need to look at the divorce decree. Is the amount spec­i­fied in the divorce paper­work? If not the x can get a por­tion of it if she knows about it. If it is pulled directly from his check there is noth­ing you can do.

      2. Well, maybe because SHE gave up a lot to sac­ri­fic for HIM. He mar­ried her know­ing he might not be around much.…TDY.…yeah right. Not to men­tion, being home rais­ing chil­dren is a com­mend­able thing for any­one to do. Ha, sit in a build­ing talk­ing shit all day long with your bud­dies isn’t hardly a hard thing to do. “Fight the bat­tle” give me a fuck­ing break, I was active duty for 20 years and trust, the only bat­tle I expe­ri­enced was mit­i­gat­ing men who thought they were hot shit, and wanted to “get with me”…oh I for­got, they were mar­ried men.

        1. thank you, for that reply, i reply and mines got kick off, the mil­i­tary cov­ers for the cheat­ing sol­ders, i am a female retired and i was raped 3 times and all they did was send me to a difer­ent place, we deserve half of ever­thing they get to include the ptsd they put on us, the mil­i­tary is resposi­ble for things they do and all they do is noth­ing, the­ses sol­diers be it man or woman need to be delt with

          1. and why is it when they get hiv, they just move the sol­dier and never tell any one so the sol­diers get to another duty sta­tion and starts all over again, that is so wrong. peo­ple get AIDS and the army does noth­ing but move them, and i am a sol­dier and i think they deserve for what ver time they were with them and they deserve dis­ablity for the crap they have been put through

    2. Mil­i­tary retire­ment that is dis­pos­able is con­sid­ered eli­gi­ble for equal dis­tri­b­u­tion. Any dis­abil­ity pay­ments receieved from prior mil­i­tary ser­vice is not part of the 50% that can be counted as mil­i­tary retire­ment sub­ject to divi­sion of prop­erty. Here is a web­site to go to that explains a lit­tle about it. You should speak to a lawyer that is knowl­edgable in these cases.

    3. I just read some­thing about your sit­u­a­tion. Noth­ing should hap­pen, because that is it. Unless he wants to vol­un­teer out of kind­ness. Let things flow, he deserves it.

      Vets for Vets

    4. You think it’s unfair that the ex con­tin­ues to get half, even with increases? Well, maybe you should just suck it up and mind your own busi­ness when it comes to mat­ters that occured between your hus­band and his wife. None of you mak­ing negi­t­ive com­ments seem to under­stand, the LAW says a spouse who was mar­ried for 10 years or more to an active duty mem­ber is ENTITLED to HALF! Cracks me up every­time I see some­one cry­ing about it. The law is clear…get over it!

    5. Dis­pos­able retired pay is the prod­uct of the gross retired pay enti­tle­ment minus sev­eral things includ­ing amounts based on dis­abil­ity (per Title 10, Chap­ter 61). His dis­abil­ity is sep­a­rate from his retired pay.

    6. You don’t! She is granted that and believe or not it is fair! I know it is hard to under­stand but We as wives give up,put up and sacrafice like you will never know! And I am sorry you are feel­ing cheated! But lwhen we mar­ried a mil­i­tary man. We were told a wife is not issued! And that is exactly how we are treated most of the time! We are basi­cally sin­gle moth­ers with every­thing that goes with that! I pray she was atleast a good woman! And with increases she is enti­tled if a quardo or court order is writen that way!

    7. kill her

  11. For­mer Spouses’.…..GREED WILL EAT YOU ALIVE ! ! ! ! ! ! !

    1. So have your hus­band cheat on you and then see how you feel. I have sup­ported my hus­band 110% and then he decides he’s GAY!!! Yea, I have suf­fered and sup­ported him.….and look what hap­pened. Does he needed to hand over some support.…YES. I did my part, he changed his mind.
      P.S. Being mean to oth­ers when you don’t know all the details…think about that.

    2. oooo the GREED makes the world go round and round and the cheat­ing mil­i­tary spouses and non-custodial par­ents is what makes the GREED con­tinue, so SUCK IT UP AND MIND YOUR BUSINESS!!!!!!!!!!!!

    3. AMEN!!!! When the enlisted spouse has been injured and PTSD and other things are involved, some look at the enlisted as a Meal ticket! And that IS NOT RIGHT!

  12. I’m a mil­i­tary retiree and my wife and I divorced 3+ years ago. She was awarded roughly 50% of my retire­ment pay. I don’t have an issue with that because she truly earned it. My ques­tion is about the cir­cum­stances under which she would no longer col­lect half of my retire­ment pay. I real­ize that she would no longer col­lect this ben­e­fit if she remar­ried or died. In the case of death, do I once again col­lect 100% of my pen­sion, or does it become part of her estate of which she can des­ig­nate a new ben­e­fi­ciary? For instance our children?

    1. If the funds she receives is listed in the decree as mar­i­tal or com­mu­nity prop­erty, she does not lose it upon remarriage.

      1. is that true? if you get remar­ried, can you still get your ben­e­fits? Mine was awarded as divis­i­ble property.…..

      2. This is not true, there is a mil­i­tary reg­u­la­tion that says if a spouse gets remar­ried that she must notify the proper author­i­ties so the 50% stops. What are you talk­ing about. It has the same effect as if she passed away, the money goes back to the soldier.

        1. No, read the USFSPA. There are ex spouses receiv­ing off mul­ti­ple ser­vice members.

        2. Mar­i­lyn is cor­rect, it con­tin­ues until the death of either one of them, and some­times after the death of the sol­dier if SBP is involved. The only thing lost in remar­riage is Tri­care if they were eli­gi­ble for it. It is a really bad law that breeds greedy ex’s

          1. Hahahaha.…breeds greedy ex’s.…what about the deserv­ing ex’s? You peo­ple crack me up!

          2. there are faaaaar more greedy whiny ex’s then deserv­ing ones that I’ve met. Cur­rently have one in the unit cheat­ing on her deployed hus­band (mar­ried 10 years) because she says he’s “bor­ing”. He treats her like gold and pro­vides any­thing she wants. She holds a fed job and there are no kids but she still insists she deserves 50% of his retire­ment pen­sion for life and is laugh­ing about the fact that he has to give her BAH while she shacks up with the boyfriend. I’ve seen far more of this sit­u­a­tion, and ones where spouses refuse to ever work then I have of scum­bag men walk­ing out. I know they are out there and in those cases, yea take him for what he’s got but you know what…there are women who make an indus­try of doing noth­ing but leech­ing off of men and it is SICK

          3. who cares, i slept with sol­diers’ wives, officer’s wives, peo­ples moms, sis­ters, daugh­ters, i could care less if their hus­band is mil­i­tary or deployed or his or in some cases their rank is. im all about get­tin in that ass

        3. there is no such reg

        4. You are wrong! SBP stops, but not retired pay.

        5. Wrong answer, if it states in the divorce that it is com­mu­nity prop­erty the ex can re-marry over and over again and still get the check.…..

        6. That does that applies to all for­mer spouse that if they remarry the pay­ment will stop or does it varies from one state to another? My husband’s ex has been receiv­ing pay­ments after he retired and she remar­ried ear­lier than him. She also con­tin­ues to get the raise when­ver their is a pay raise on the retire­ment check. I am the sec­onde wife and been thru longer in the mil­i­tary, mar­ried longer to him than her. I don’t have issue about the money what’s due for her but i felt that she already got what she deserves and it’s time for my hus­band to enjoy what he had work hard! After­all, the mar­riage and the sep­a­ra­tion we’re both agreed upon.

    2. Kevin,

      once she dies the money goes back to you. You must let the VA know about the deaf, that is the reg­u­la­tion. If you die, her ben­e­fit stops. She in your eyes earned it, but only until you pass away.

      Vet for Vets

    3. Sorry your wrong pay­ments only stop when one of you dies.
      you get 100% when see passes.

    4. Accord­ing to the mil­i­tary if your ex-spouse dies, the ben­e­fits will revert back to you, but unless the VA is aware of the deaf, some­one else might take the money as it is direct deposit. So, you need to keep up with the ex-spouse to knowher sta­tus, so you can inform the VA. I am cer­tain you will need a death cer­tifi­cate, divorce decree and mar­riage cer­tifi­cate to ver­ify things.

  13. My ex wife and I were mar­ried 5 years prior to get­ting a Divorce. She was awarded 12.5% of my retire­ment pay. Since she earned a por­tion of my retire­ment as a result of being mar­ried to me she now gets 12.5% of my before tax retire­ment pay each month via an allot­ment check. QUESTION.
    Who is respon­si­ble for pay­ing income tax on that 12.5% that she recieves??

    1. she is just as I am.


    3. She is respon­si­ble, just like child sup­port if you are pay­ing that, it reduces your earn­ings and increases hers​.So, your taxes would be less, many peo­ple do not know that.

      1. There is no def­i­nite answer here as it is based on your cir­cum­stances. My husband’s divorce spec­i­fied since they were mar­ried less than 10 years if the mil­i­tary will not pay her direct (they won;t) it is tax­able to him and he is to deduct from her payments,

    4. the best way to get that back is buy­ing a gun

  14. mar­ried 15 years div, then 5 years later she wants my retire­ment, never asked for it in the orig div can she do that

    1. jimmy, no she can­not. when you divorced her rights to your retire­ment ended. also if you did not con­vert the sbp to for­mer sbp wihin the 1 year time fram of the divorce, she is not enti­tled to your ben­e­fits and if she/attorney did not use the deemed elec­tion route within 1 yr of the divorce, no she can­not. this is how the mil­i­tary looks at it. now with ssa that could be dif­fer­ent story so check with them regard­ing your social secu­rity. I would con­tact an attor­ney who is knowl­edge­able in the mil­i­tary law for more infor­ma­tion of your rights. hope this helps

      1. Actu­ally she can…I had no idea about the USFSPA. I was mar­ried for almost 11 years to a spouse in the United States Navy. He left me for my friend. Had me legally kicked out of the house we built from the ground up and agreed to keep the chil­dren for the fol­low­ing 18–24 months after doing so until I got on my feet. This has been a strug­gle. I have yet to find work. He left me with noth­ing. No fur­ni­ture. A car that he wrecked 2 weeks prior to the divorce being final. It barely works.He took every­thing and tried to make it seem like I came out on top. I was left pen­ni­less. Its been 8 months and I have yet to find work. I ended up hav­ing to move back home with my mother. I’m 31 and sleep­ing on an air mat­tress in my brother’s old room. I feel hor­ri­ble. He changed the date to have me vacated out by with­out my know­ing and less than 2 months later, had my ex friend and her chil­dren moved in. Since I was a stay at home mom, I couldn’t afford a lawyer. He served me with divorce papers at 1130 at night after com­ing from her house. All I could do was cry. I felt pow­er­less to stop it. He just didn’t want me any­more. So about 2 weeks ago, I learned of the Uni­form Ser­vices For­mer Spouse Pro­tec­tion Act. I was told that I had the rest of my life to fight for my per­cent­age. I was also told that if it wasn’t in the divorce decree, if i could get him to sign off on a cer­tain per­cent­age and get it nota­rized and faxed in with my divorce decree, there’s a 90% or greater chance that it would get awarded to me. As I type this, on another screen I am work­ing on the decree/addendum to send him.

        1. bet u wish u thought about get­ting that in the divorce decree sooner

    2. Don’t think so Jimmy…lucky break for you!

  15. I am in the process of divorc­ing my hus­band of 37 years who is a retired navy man. He retired after 22 years and began receiv­ing his retainer pay until his offi­cial retire­ment date of 2001. I was mar­ried to him 21 years and 8 months of his ser­vice and the remain­der of our mar­riage. Why am I not enti­tled to med­ical and exchange previledges?

    1. Sad that you have to drag his coat tails and fight for the crumbs that fall from his table. Sad lit­tle lady so sad you can­not fend for your­self with­out hold­ing your hands out for some­thing that is earned by a SOLDIER and not you!

      1. We moved 19 times in 20 years. I raised 3 kids mostly by myself even when he was home he was either watch­ing tv or sleep­ing. He was absent from his fam­ily. I worked for AAFES 18 and 1/2 years the only ones who got retire­ment were those who worked full time and we were never in one place long enough for me to get to that point. So earn­ing my own retire­ment? How in this world could I have done that?

        1. your story sounds cred­i­ble except for mov­ing around 19 times in 20 years. I know mil­i­tary per­son­nel move quite a lot, buut once a year? I served for 22 years and I have never seen or heard of mov­ing that many times espe­cially for a “COOK”. So, are you telling a “fibb” here?

      2. would like to make a com­ment to you because if you have never been a mil­i­tary spouse before then you have no idea how much sup­port, love, and longevity was given. to be hon­est it not about a hand out it is about enti­tle­ment. it also works the same as ssa. every­one is enti­tled to ben­e­fits regad­less. you also dont know if the spouse was work­ing the entire time of their mar­riage either. believe it or not it works both ways in the mil­i­tary and civil­ian world. i hope and pray you are never in a sit­u­a­tion like this but if it hap­pens please remem­ber how you responded to the ques­tion above. then you will real­ize what been there done it means. hope this help you too

        1. the 2 com­ments from the for­mer spouse above are directed to the GET A LIFE INDIVIDUAL.

      3. Be nice Get a Life. She deserves some­thing if not every­thing. This is com­ing from the sec­ond wife who’s hus­band ex is receiv­ing 1/3 of his retire­ment pay and I’m not bit­ter. I learned to let it go any kind of GREED and con­cen­trate of what we have left. When you do that , the Grace comes easy :-) Peace!

      4. No you get a life, she deserves every penny. To put up with all that B.S.

    2. Because you did not serve 20 years in the mil­i­tary, why is this such a sur­prise. As your ex-husband did years ago, you too should have joined the military!

      1. You my friend are igno­rant and assume some­thing you may not know any­thing about. I am a mil­tiary spouse and have been off and on for 22 1/2 years. I TRIED to go into the mil­i­tary when I was young as I am very dri­ven. The ser­vice would not let me join as I had two chil­dren with the active duty mem­ber. Back when I wanted to join if you didn’t marry after join­ing you both could not be in the ser­vice. So, by me sup­port­ing my hus­band I could not join. So does that make you feel bet­ter soldier1975?

      2. Not try­ing to be mean but you know what they say about when you assume.… Also, like these woman that are post­ing I have given up a lot in the last 22 years. Friends, Fam­ily, My Youth, my whole life revolved around my hus­bands sched­ule. Work­ing mul­ti­ple jobs to pay bills because the active duty mil­iary income was not enough and he couldn’t work more because he was in the mil­i­tary. He also didn’t mind me work­ing myself to death because he never wanted for any­thing. Minot North Dakota didn’t help for 14 years being from the South. But I hung in there for the mil­i­tary mem­ber. But today, 22 1/2 years later I feel dis­tant, tired, bro­ken, and cheated.

        1. I feel you girl.

      3. I am still the one that works hard while he works 7:30–4:30 and has NEVER gone over­seas. So MR. Sol­dier as I take it you are quite sen­si­tive to the sub­ject.… You are say­ing I would not be enti­tled to mil­iary ben­e­fits or half his retire­ment? I held him up, strug­gled with him, worked more than him, lived in a place so dis­tant from fam­ily I didn’t get to see them hardly for 14 years, and ran behind him fix­ing things (like bank accounts) so he would not get in trou­ble. If you are say­ing that then hon­estly sol­dier you need to think about things and not all sit­u­a­tions are the same. Years ago it wasn’t so easy to join if you were mar­ried to an already active duty mem­ber. I sup­ported the mil­i­tary and still do. I am a Sol­diers Angel. Life just dealt me a bad hand but every­one deserves to be happy.

        Thank you for your ser­vice. I hope life is well for you.

      4. We did as wives , we had watch all our actions and made sure kids did not get hus­bands in trou­ble. I iron his clothes, sew the patches, Try save money, goes buy a dog for girl­friend . Late on a car pay­ment. He was think­ing with ding dong, Damn right we deserve it. No I not over­weight fat per­son. I get more looks then he does, looks like he 70 and I’m 50.

  16. olivia, you are enti­tled to some of these priv­i­leges. it is call the 20/20/20 rule and you can find it on the deers web­site. i being mar­ried for 15 yrs 3 months am going through divorce with my ser­vice mem­ber. 20 yrs of ser­vice 15 yrs mar­ried and i might be able to keep my id card for exchange and com­mis­sary priv­i­leges. check the deers web­site under for­mer spouse.

  17. Part Two–
    Divorce. Ment find­ing out just how bad things were. The the civil­lian women that worked around him that would come to our home or meet us out for din­ner, ones that chat­ted with me, these were his lovers.
    This causes one to loose much of their per­sonal self. My iden­ity was no longer the E-5 that I had been, I had become the wife. The one at a phone call notice was hav­ing upwards of 20 peo­ple show up for din­ner. To hear crap talked about my mar­riage with me right there

  18. Divorce. Ment find­ing out just how bad things were. The the civil­lian women that worked around him that would come to our home or meet us out for din­ner, ones that chat­ted with me, these were his lovers. __This causes one to loose much of their per­sonal self. My iden­ity was no longer the E-5 that I had been, I had become the wife. The one at a phone call notice was hav­ing upwards of 20 peo­ple show up for din­ner. To hear crap talked about my mar­riage with me right there

    Thank You I served my coun­try. Thank You I served my mil­i­tary mem­ber. Yet, I have given up all that I had worked for for those 24 years of mar­riage, the friend­ships of the true friends, the future plans of retire­ment trav­els and the hon­ey­moon that had never hap­pened, I lost the life time med­ical and the life time com­mis­sary and base exchange rights.. I had helped “us” to make a life, to live a life, I was part of some­thing that took us from broke new­ly­weds to mid­dleage with a home and fur­nish­ing and the sta­tus quo of the posi­tion that I helped him achieve.
    Thank you, I strug­gle, but I will survive.

  20. Part Three -
    Thank you. I served my coun­try. Thank You I served my mil­i­tary mem­ber. I gave up all — is that not what a spouse is sup­posed to do. To sup­port the other. Thank you I did my job with pride. We went from being broke young noth­ings to mid­dleaged with stuff and sta­tus quo. He went from no col­lege to going for his mas­ters degree. I lost every dream “we” had dis­cussed — retire­ment, trips, mar­riage, income. Lifes dif­fer­ent when you loose income froom 150K a year to barely 30K a year. Thank You. And do not call me names.

  21. PART ONE _
    I was mar­ried while at my first base, I got out at my 10 year mark to raise our chil­dren. The base day care sys­tem was hor­ri­ble for our chil­dren. At my own halfway mark mind you.
    He stayed in the mil­i­tary. His life was full of TDY’s times of return­ing home with new jack­ets and the for­got­ten con­doms in the pock­ets.. Or when he would leave for TDY and I would put up his clean cloth­ing — only to run across con­doms in the draw­ers.
    I stayed home and raised our chil­dren, ran the house, took care of main­te­nance on home and yard.
    When he would be home, he would be out on the golf course and return home drunk. There would be promises of things to be done together as a fam­ily — yet those things to this day have never come about.

    1. Con­doms are all over the post you just pick them up some­times because they’re free.

    2. you shouldve stayed in or had a bet­ter fam­ily care plan and now u are divorced

  22. Ellen, the name I would call you is coura­geous. You rep­re­sent most of the wives that Cur­tis, Jim, and Kim crit­i­cized. I, too, am a wife that put fam­ily first. I did work out­side the home and that was held against me in the divorce set­tle­ment. Now he is able to pro­vide for a younger wife and the ear­lier self­ish com­ments have the nerve to say we are under­serv­ing of a share (which is not a fair share) of the mil­i­tary pay. You reap what you sow.

    1. Ellen i so agree with what your saying.i was enti­tled and did not know it till i had to have a biopsy done.Then found out i was enti­tled tocoverage,first.and it was in my divorce decree to get part of the retire​ment​.My exhus­band fell in love with the bot­tle and out of love with me.
      So if any­one wants to accuse me of is it all about money let them it really isn’t it’s about sur​viv​ing​.in this evil world com­ming up aris­ing about us.
      any­way any­body who wants to com­ment and accuse me of any­thing fire away,and then let me know when you are fin­ished. ok?

      sin­cere thanks

  23. I was mar­ried the first time in 82 while in the mil­i­tary. Divorced her in 93 and in the divorce decree it stated she would get her por­tion of my retire pay once I did retire…guess it was an unknown at the time. Any­way, we remar­ried each other in 95, had another child but then soured again in 2003. This time there was no men­tion of my retire­ment pay in the divorce decree (I finally did retire in 97) and thats how I wanted it because she had gone way out of con­trol and I knew I would be car­ing and rais­ing my three kids alone and with no help from her. Of course she signed off on the decree…not sure how I pulled that off but it was prob­a­bly because I was going to bring in child ser­vices because of her abuse and neglect of the kids. So now she is attempt­ing to bring up the first divorce decree and try­ing to get some money because she is still a looser. Am I crazy or does her attor­ney think there is a chance??

    1. You should ask a lawyer, but I believe the first divorce decree stands — she will likely receive a part of your retire­ment pay.

    2. The first will stand how­ever is she pay­ing you child sup­port ? If not fry her with that .

  24. Those who com­plain about only receiv­ing 50% of retire­ment for being mar­ried to a mil­i­taty retiree need to check wiyth DFAS before send­ing in divorce decree to learn of the require­ments for eli­gi­bil­ity. DAFES rec­og­nizes mon­e­tary divi­sion of retired pay in divorce decrees.All retirees retired pay is on a case by case basis​.ie allotments,debt to Gov.etc. Good luck.

  25. There are a ton of sto­ries about ser­vice mem­bers cheat­ing on their spouses and ditch­ing them. I sym­pa­thize with them and they shouldn’t be ignored. With that being said, I am a ser­vice mem­ber get­ting divorced after 10 years of mar­riage while in the ser­vice. I haven’t once cheated on my spouse. My spouse has cheated on me mul­ti­ple times, and was even hav­ing online romances and send­ing care pack­ages to other sol­diers with love let­ters and adult pho­tos while ignor­ing me almost com­pletely while deployed. I chose to try and work through it, and I got what I got. I am not going to cry about it. My ulti­mate goal was to retire with my spouse and fam­ily and grow old together. That isn’t going to hap­pen any­more, but what will hap­pen, is that she gets 50% of my retire­ment pay, alimony, and child sup­port. The last dude she cheated on me dri­ves the best car I could afford for my fam­ily. He brags about using my ex’s alimony money to buy his cloths and party. They both just mostly sit at home and smoke weed now. Unfor­tu­nately I still have 5 years left until I retire. Not all sto­ries are about ser­vice mem­bers ignor­ing and leav­ing their spouses, and there is usu­ally two sto­ries to every divorce. Yes my spouse had it rough hold­ing down the home dur­ing my 12 month deploy­ments. I missed her so much, missed my kids so much, at least she wasn’t get­ting shot at and blown up while we were separated.

    1. I am so sorry to hear that this has hap­pen to you and if you pro­vide me with your address when you deploy again I will be happy to send you care pack­ets. I was hurt by a ser­vice mem­ber sta­tioned in Hawaii and I to know how it feels to be hurt.

    2. I am a mil­i­tary spouse whose spouse cheated on her repeat­edly through­out our mar­riage. Our rela­tion­ship was very tumul­tuous and some­times, even vio­lent. I am also, well aware of the fact that this does not just hap­pen amongst the sol­diers. I lived on base. I heard about and seen first hand many instances where the spouse was the cheater or the insti­ga­tor. All you can do is go on with your life. Take care of your chil­dren. Don’t for­get to take care of your­self as so many who care for oth­ers do. In the end you will be the one liv­ing a bet­ter, more ful­filled, and hap­pier life.

    3. id bang ur wife too if she was hot. hooah

  26. I am eli­gi­ble to receive a por­tion of my for­mer spouse retire­ment via a stip­u­lated divorce decree (please, no bias–no facts pro­vided sur­round­ing the issues by which the divorce was granted).

    I started to pro­ceed­ing after the date retire­ment by apply­ing with the DOD; I hired an attor­ney. All that’s required to fin­ish the appli­ca­tion is a copy of the accu­mu­la­tive point sheet.

    In the immor­tal words of Gomer Pyle “Su-prise, su-prize, su-prise”…the retiree refuses to respond to any com­mu­ni­ca­tions, hangs up when I call, will not sign for cer­ti­fied let­ter request.…avoiding an court order is not smiled upon where I’m from…it’s just plain dumb.

    Now I have to con­tact the DOD and ask for an time exten­sion because I will have to re-file a motion in my local supe­rior court wast­ing time, money, etc.

    Is there any other recourse in sub­poe­naing the point sheet? I under­stand that the sol­diers last unit can be sub­poe­naed for the point sheet; is this true and do you have any other suggestions?

    1. I have had to call DFAS about my for­mer spouse get­ting her share of pay because they mess up some­times. I see the gar­nish­ment on my RAS and she wasn’t get­ting paid so call them

  27. Terry: I don’t know about the abil­ity to sub­poena any­thing from a for­mer unit, but it doesn’t hurt to ask. Con­tact­ing your lawyer is a good idea. I would also rec­om­mend con­tact­ing DFAS directly to see if they have pearls of wis­dom as you’re not the first ex to be left hang­ing when it comes to receipt of retired pay. Try this num­ber: 800–321-1080. Good luck to you.

  28. I have been mar­ried for 12yrs to my hus­band who has served in the Marine Corp for 23yrs and is set to retire in 3months(August 7). Just recently I found out that he has had affairs through the course of our mar­riage and he is want­ing a divorce. I am dev­asted to say the least and mostly scared finan­cially since I entrusted my hus­band to be in charge of all of our finances..We do have checking&savings together as well as mutual funds, life insur­ance pol­icy, IRA and I have 401k from my employ­ment..
    My hus­band told me that I will be dropped from health ins(TriCare) and that I will need to obtain my own health insur­ance, plus I will have no more rights to base!
    Is this all true? What are my rights and would I be enti­tled to any­thing?
    Can’t belive this is happening!

    1. Once divorced since you weren’t mar­ried 20 years (with him being in all 20 of those years), he is cor­rect, you will loose Tri­Care and all base priv­i­leges. You can opt to pay for con­tin­u­a­tion (like Cobra insur­ance) for a short period of time but that is all.

      All other assets, IRA, 401k, pen­sion etc are up for grabs. If you go after his pen­sion make sure you get it in the divorce decree that he has to elect for SBP with you as the named ben­e­fi­ciary oth­er­wise the pen­sion pay­ments stop when he dies.

    2. It is true because the length of mar­riage did not meet 15 or 20/20 rule. you will not be eli­gi­ble for any base priv­eleges either. how­ever you are eli­gi­ble for con­in­ued health ben­e­fits (CHBC) look on the tri­care web­site for more info but the pre­mi­ums are very high. as far as all of the joint accounts you need to spec­ify in the divorce degree of how you want things to be divided. it may be a fight but it is well worth it. don’t worry about all of the affairs just worry about you. you need to make sure you have all account num­bers the amount and check the ben­e­fi­ciary sta­tus for ira and 401k. this can be worked on due to a mutual agree­ment as well. be sure to hire you an attor­ney who under­stand the mil­i­tary divorce laws. hope this helps

  29. My hus­band is retired Navy. His ex-wife is receiv­ing 40 per­cent of his retire­ment. In their divorce decree it states that she is to be rec­og­nized as the “only wife” or “first wife” regard­ing his ben­e­fits. I would like to go back to school and under­stand that I could use his unused cred­its of the GI Bill. Does any­one know if the way the divorce decree is listed if I would now be unel­i­gi­ble for this?

    1. your hus­band had to choose for­mer spouse sur­vivor beneft cov­er­age espe­cially if it was stated in the divorce decree. whether he remar­ries or not this will not change because of the length of the mar­riage. for his
      GI Bill, there is a law con­cern­ing the lengh of time a mem­ber need to use. take a look the law regard­ing the bill and the law that pro­tects for­mer spouse and sur­vivors ben­e­fits. hope this helps

  30. 15 years! That only lets you keep com­mis­sary and Exchange priv­iledges for 1 yr. You have to be 20 –20 –20 to get to keep any of that. 20 –20–15+ only gets you next to noth­ing! I am in the same boat! No shop­ping allowed on base. No Mil­i­tary ID. All those years and only chil­dren to show for it!

  31. I left my coun­try ( ger­many ) for him . I knew what I was get­ting into . I have an autis­tic son . When we got to the states my so called sol­dier woul” push ” me around destroy the house and things like that I was 18 he was. I didn’t know any bet­ter . I stayed and said noth­ing out of fear . When I finally had enough 17 years later I told him I wanted a divorce he said he kill me if I touch his retire­ment . I didn’t want it just my kid and out . I sur­vived with­out him . Not every­one is a greedy spouse I gave up my fam­ily for this man . I never remar­ried I work my butt of to care for me and my child .

    1. You go, girl!!! I went through some of the same stuff. I am cur­rently get­ting my life back after fif­teen years of crap. This is the first time I have been at peace in so long.

    2. why did u not fight

    3. u should have recorded him say­ing that on tape and he would be imme­di­ately arrested by mil­i­tary police and face a CID inves­ti­ga­tion then court mar­tial. u then would be able to col­lect his retire­ment in ur divorce decree.

  32. I was mar­ried for 9 months and sep­a­rated now she’s telling the judge she wants. Spousal sup­port and a part of my retire­ment. I’am a reservist whos ben in the mil­i­tary for 3 years. What do you think the judge will decide …California

    1. Nope she won’t get your retire­ment. Typ­i­cally it is 10 years in order to get a full 50% of retire­ment. How­ever, judges are now accept­ing less than 10 years being mar­ried. But given less than a year, she might be able to claim 10% of it IF she is lucky.

  33. Write to your con­gress. There is peti­tion going around to appeal the order

  34. My ex worked the whole time I was mar­ried to her while I was Active Duty not even 10 years mar­ried when I retired and she remar­ried and still gets part of my retire­ment as a prop­erty set­tle­ment. She calls me with threats when Im late pay­ing also.. What a snake!!

    1. even if the set­tle­ment is in ur divorce decree, u can refuse to pay it, she then will have to pay her own way to fight u in court, worst case sce­nario, the judge holds u in con­tempt. noth­ing major, they cant hold u for­ever under that charge. if u want to avoid that, the next threat u get, ensure that she is too affraid to say ur name, or blind her, cut her tongue out, and threaten her entire fam­ily if she talks

  35. Where is the jus­tice to the retired Mil­i­tary mem­ber when Blood suckin Lawyers keep push­ing this issue in their states even going against Fedral Laws and let­ting the non mil­iary spouse cash out on some­one else!!!

    1. fed­eral law trumps state; let the lawyer do what they will; move out of state and dont share ur where­abouts with anyone

    2. but in case ur wages get gar­nished auto­mat­i­cally, what u should do is set all ur pay as an allot­ment to a for­eign bank, no money can be taken from it with­out ur autho­riza­tion which requires u to phys­i­cally be in the bank to make that change lol

  36. Hello I was mar­ried for 16 years and in my divorce decree it does not state any­thing about pen­sion. I did com­plete an Equi­table Dis­tri­b­u­tion packet that states info about his pen­sion. In the % box there is a ?mark. We have a dis­abled child and it states that some of plain­tiffs retire­ment is sep­a­rate prop­erty and any other fac­tor the court finds to be just and proper that child is severely dis­abled and expends much more than child sup­port can assist. He retired with 29 years.What do I do?

    1. If you weren’t awarded any­thing in the final decree you prob­a­bly aren’t going to get any of his pen­sion. Have a lawyer review the lan­guage in the decree but since you didn’t ini­tially ask for it you won’t get it later on.

      1. this is true because you did not spec­ify in the decree any­thing about the pen­sion. how­ever, i do agree with the guest above, you need to really find you an attor­ney who knows mil­i­tary law. there is a pro­vi­sion for dis­abled chil­dren too. look at sur­vivors ben­e­fits for spouses and chil­dren this is a law that was passed for protection…your lawyer will be able to obtain his retire­ment date and take it from there. hope this helps.

    2. too bad for you. go after alimony and have the decree be a sum total of his income (which by the way will come from his pen­sion and/or dis­abil­ity) loop­hole baby

  37. My X is a retired active dutyand reservist. When eli­gi­ble, which I think is now, he’s 65 in Octo­ber, am I eli­gi­ble for PX and Com­mis­ary priv­i­leges. We were mar­ried 13 years. Prior to that I was mar­ried to an active duty mem­ber for another 13 years, he took buy out at 19 years for $65,000. (I for­fit the retir­ment pay, because he threated to go after my Civil Ser­vices retire­ment.) Am I eli­gi­ble for those two items?

  38. for the guest above, you should be ashamed of your­self to wish a death on any­one. God does not like ugly and karma is something…if you are the one that caused the fall of their mar­riage and you did not com­mit 10 or more years. you are not enti­tled because what did you con­tribute to the mem­bers mil­i­tary career? prob­a­bly non­thing but you didn’t mind break­ing up the relationship…did…you..MAY GOD CONTINUE TO LOVE YOU..

  39. This is a very touchy sub­ject with me since I am get­ting screwed out of half my retire­ment to my ex. I was mar­ried for 15 years and delt with numer­ous affi­ars on her part and I tried to work it out for the ben­e­fit of my kids. I have cus­tody of my chil­dren and recieve ZERO help from her but she gets half of my retire­ment. Just because a spouse moves, trav­els or endures the strug­gles of a mil­i­tary spouse does not con­sti­tute half the retire­ment. They knew before they got mar­ried that he/she was mil­i­tary and the pros and cons. Its dis­gust­ing that women and I say women because a major­ity of the ex’s reciev­ing the retire­ment are women, feel they are oblig­ated this. I deployed to Iraq, Afghanistan, Kuwait, Oman, Saudi Ara­bia and mul­ti­ple places that I cant say while my ex went with other men. Is this jus­ti­fied for 50% of MY retire­ment? Did she earn this? So the rest of my life I have to pay her and con­statnly be reminded of the BS I dealt with. And also one of the men she had a affair with she mar­ried.… which was a neighbor…active duty and says he cant wait to get my retire­ment check.

  40. Can a spouse receive a por­tion of my retire­ment if we divorce and we have only been mar­ried for 7 years?

    1. Up to a judge but yes she can, I know one that got 40% of retire­ment due to a really BAD judge. Hire a good lawyer to try and block her.

    2. Yep my gf just got that not too long ago. Sorry to say but yes she is enti­tiled to a % of it now. IT used to be you had to be mar­ried 10 years. That is not the case anymore.

    3. Yes, exactly the same as my hus­band. 20 years / 8 mar­i­tal years (they include the addi­tional year she drew out the divorce though not liv­ing together) divide by 2. She also receives cola increases in the same pro­por­tion. This is until death of one of them, remar­riage on her part makes no dif­fer­ence. We pay and deduct her taxes form her pro­ceeds. Been doing this for nearly 20 years already.

  41. Seriously…it’s like Im in Kinder­gar­den. A Mil­i­tary Man takes a fam­ily (his choice) he fights for our Coun­try, and leaves his wife/children behind to worry, and make sure things are in order„ all to make his life eas­ier when he comes home. Don’t bitch about giv­ing up some retire­ment.. because I’d give my measly 35 percetn back, if you can give me back the yearrs I wasted„„,
    You knew what your were get­ting into… period, end of story.… you mar­ried, “she/he” gave up their lives too! you knew full well going into this it would be hard, try­ing and dif­fi­cult, as the Mil­i­tary is try­ing on both Husands and wives.… we give up oru careers, our self worth at time.. I was not know for whom I was„ I was know as “SFC wife” I can’t recall on one hand any­one wear­ing a Uni­form called me by my first Name. we are human peo­ple.… I say this„ the day you give me back my “lost years” I’ll give you back your “lost” retirement…

    1. You’ll never get those lost years back. No amount of money will pay for that for either of you.

  42. My hus­band just died a week ago. He was retired 20 years USAF, but I am his 2nd wife of only 9 years. His ex wife has been receiv­ing half of his retire­ment since they divorced in 1997 and has also remar­ried. I’m naive as to what I’m sup­posed to do now. Who do I con­tact about his death? Will the retire­ment pay­ments stop on both sides. I’m ner­vous about receiv­ing con­tin­ued money if I have to even­tu­ally pay back any­thing after his death date. Could some­one advise me of the cor­rect pro­ce­dure now? Will the ex wife have any more claims on him now?

    1. u are out of luck, shouldve cho­sen a bet­ter man

  43. Alot of peo­ple on here are talk­ing about the ex-spouse being deserv­ing of half of the mil­i­tary retire­ment because they put their live on hold to care for their Sol­dier and what not.…well how about this. I’ve been mar­ried for 9 years, in the mid­dle of a divorce for 1.5 years because im get­ting Med boarded. She spent the last 3 years of our mar­raige liv­ing with her par­ents because it was eas­ier on her to raise the kids. I havent seen my two chil­dren in over two years, and she wont final­ize the divorce until my MEB gets final­ized and she finds out my % so she in turn finds out how much she’s enti­tled to. AND, while deployed my last time, she racked up over $40,000 in credit debt becom­ing addicted to QVC. I now have to declare bank­ruptcy also, and she wants more money to help her get through nurs­ing school, but refused to get a job while we were together because she “had to be there for the kids” I dont have the money to hire a lawyer because of all my debt, she got a loan from her grand­dad to get a lawyer, so now im pay­ing $1100 a month for child sup­port, I cant see my kids because she got the judge to believe I have PTSD, which I have proven I dont have, yet I still cant see them. I know she’s goona take me for EVERYTHING she can and I dont know what to do.

  44. I am so very sorry to hear about your cir­cum­stances. Your best fight­ing chance is to find money some­where to hire a lawyer. As a ser­vice mem­ber you know it’s never wise to be out gunned. If you lay out your case method­i­cally (and with­out anger like you did here) to a lawyer and a judge, I believe they’ll under­stand your cir­cum­stances bet­ter. You said you proved you don’t have PTSD…is that via a mil­i­tary or civil­ian doc­tor? If so, pro­duce that doc­u­men­ta­tion to the judge and see your kids! You have a long road ahead of you. Hang in there, seek advice from a credit coun­selor at nfcc​.org, brighter days will come. Thanks so much for your service.

    1. Does the mil­i­tary not make some kind of legal aid avail­able to vets to help in these kinds of sit­u­a­tions and look out for their best interests?



  46. As a Mil­i­tary Chap­lain, please note divorce is divorce a bat­tle ground of indif­fer­ences, get it in writ­ing! have your doc­u­ments filed in your state of res­i­dency if you move or get involved with another and move refile your doc­u­ments just for a mater of record. Under the sis­ter act all states have to com­ply and act upon each other court orders. Your doc­u­ments or agree­ments
    are your income. Chappy

  47. I wa mar­ried to some­one in the army for eleven years he left me well i was preg­nant and he was hit­ting me and i tried to get us help but then he got a twenty year old girl­friend and i am thirty and i was still try­ing to work it out but he still divorced me and i was awarded 50% of his retir­ment which i deserve i went through hell with him and for peo­ple to say that we are leaches and etc. is wrong! they have no idea of the hell each one of us have gone through.

    1. u were a moron for stay­ing after he hit u and first of all i would have charged him with assault and domes­tic bat­tery and have him locked up after his con­vic­tion in court martial

  48. what kind ben­e­fited if mar­riage a divorced mil­i­tary retire­ment man?

  49. is it pos­si­ble for an ex spouse to stop the retire­ment allot­ment after being sta­tioned over­seas for more than 10 years together, and it in the divorce decree ????

  50. All i see is a bunch of fat, lazy, nag­ging ex navy wives post­ing their com­plaints on a blog. The funny thing is if they had been good wives and done what they were told maybe they would not be ex wives? Deserve half the mem­bers pen­sion? “Really” Only in Lib­eral Amer­ica! I have not met a Navy wife yet that deserved a penny for being a nag.
    No hard work­ing sailor would want to come home to that!

  51. I’m dis­able and I was dis­able when I met my hus­band, We was liv­ing together for 4 years before we got mar­ried. We have been mar­ried for 3 years. My hus­band is in the Army Reserves and been in for over 20 years. He also works full time for a Gov­er­ment posi­tion. He is men­tally cruel to me and my child and he’s an alco­holic and won’t seek help. The mil­i­tary made him seek help one time because he got caught DWI , but they don’t know that he still drinks. They also, don’t know this is his sec­ond time get­ting caught DWI. He also, uses his mil­i­tary email and his own email to cheat and meet women. I have saved all of his email mes­sages and text mes­sages of him cheat­ing. . My dis­abil­ity has worsen since being with him. What is my rights as a Army Reserve spouse because I’m ready to get out. I think I should get some kind of help from him since he brought me in an expen­sive town where I was liv­ing in another state where I could make it on my income. Now I’m stuck here and don’t want to be mov­ing my child again to another state.

    1. Mar­ried three years you won’t get jack crap more then likely. Child sup­port if the kid is his and a minor but that’s all you can really expect.

  52. For those who want to appeal the courts deci­sion on divi­sion of your mil­i­tary retired pay. Ask your attor­ney to do some home­work on the fol­low­ing infor­ma­tion: These were U.S. Supreme Court Cases that were denied giv­ing for­mer spouses part of mil­i­tary retire­ment. Espe­ically since mil­i­tary pay lack charc­ter­is­tics of cash sur­ren­der value, loan value, redemp­tion value, lump sum value, and value real­iz­able after death like tra­di­tional retire­ment plans or civi­lan retire­ment plans. the per­sua­sive value of the hold­ings in com­mu­nity prop­erty states is at best lim­ited. More­over, recent amend­ments to fed­eral law have raised seri­ous ques­tions as to whether any state can call fed­eral retire­ment ben­e­fits “prop­erty” and dis­trib­ute them among the par­ties in a divorce pro­ceed­ing. See Hisquierdo v. Hisquierdo, 439 U.S. 572 (1979)


  53. Part 2 of post.……Crawley v. Craw­ley, 358 So. 2d 456 (Ala. App.), cert. denied, 358 So. 2d 458 (Ala. 1978) Whether fed­eral law per­mits or pro­hibits the dis­tri­b­u­tion of mil­i­tary retire­ment ben­e­fits as a prop­erty right in State court divorce pro­ceed­ings is an issue we need not address because we hold that, as a mat­ter of State law, those ben­e­fits may not be termed “prop­erty” and be dis­trib­uted in a divorce order.

  54. Part 3 of post.……Military retire­ment pay lacks the fol­low­ing char­ac­ter­is­tics of prop­erty: cash sur­ren­der value, loan value, redemp­tion [***6] value, lump sum value and value real­iz­able after death. Ellis v. Ellis, 552 P.2d 506, 507 (Colo. 1976). Because it lacks these char­ac­ter­is­tics, it is dif­fi­cult for us to con­clude that it is part of the husband’s estate. See RSA 458:19. Like­wise, the court in Colo-rado, a common-law juris­dic­tion, In re Mar­riage of Ellis, 538 P.2d 1347 (Colo. App. 1975), has held that mil­i­tary retire­ment pay is not prop­erty, and there­fore not sub­ject to redis­tri­b­u­tion upon a divorce. Ellis v. Ellis, 552 P.2d 506 (1976); accord Fen­ney v. Fen­ney, 259 Ark. 858, 537 S.W.2d 367 (1976).

  55. I agree with any com­menter that has said it should be a CASE by CASE basis. More often than not I have seen the at home spouse cheat­ing and look­ing greed­ily towards receiv­ing those funds. It’s an unfair judge­ment with a ten year rule. No one else’s retire­ment is up for grabs. Lets say your a mil­i­tary mem­ber and your spouse is the bad one. Do you get his or her retire­ment if you or they leave? NO! So not only should it be a case by case basis but any­ones retire­ment then should be up for grabs. This law was cre­ated for the ben­e­fit of a woman back in the day because of the inequal­i­ties. It’s an out­dated law that needs ref­or­ma­tion badly. Luck­ily it isn’t secluded to females only because if it was then many men who are well deserv­ing would have lost out.
    In gen­eral peo­ple just need to act like adults and respectable spouses. Stop cheating/beating and respect your part­ner. This defi­antly goes both ways mem­ber or dependent.

    1. I agree with the last para­graph. How­ever, you should know that in a divorce the retire­ment of both par­ties is on the chop­ping board. Often­times it is worse for a civil­ian who has a 401k that is often worth more and can be ordered to be split in half right then and there all penal­ties being placed on the holder of the 401k.

  56. My wife of 9 years cheated on me, I have been in for 14 years and I am going to make sure we are divorced before the 10 year mark. Hell I took her back after the first time. She deserves NOTHING in terms of my retire­ment, sim­ply because I would have it regard­less if I was mar­ried or not. It also helps to have proof of the cheat­ing which leaves her hands tied when ask­ing for an at fault divorce. This year is going to be a stress­full one on me.

    1. i hate to be the barer of bad news it’s com­pletely up to the judge if she is awarded part of your retire­ment and you do not need to be mar­ried past the 10 years mark for her to be awarded a % of your retirement

    2. ur first mis­take was tak­ing her back, now ure going to pay her cash each month and get noth­ing in return lol

      1. Update. Divorce went through last August, I was ready to go to town with my lawyer if she went after my pen­sion. I had emails, pics, videos I found. I told her to walk or it gets ugly. Divorce decree states my pen­sion and sav­ings are mine and mine alone.

        BTW, thnx for laugh­ing at my “get­ting noth­ing in return” but it’s cool.

  57. In 2005, my ex-wife and I sep­a­rated for 1 year per NC divorce law. We exe­cuted a writ­ten sep­a­ra­tion agree­ment that detailed alimony, child sup­port, dis­tri­b­u­tion of prop­erty, debt and retire­ment. In 2006, we were granted a divorce decree. Even though the sep­a­ra­tion agree­ment was not entered into the decree, I con­tin­ued to honor child sup­port and alimony payments.

    In 2009, she wanted more money and asked the state to issue a court order. After the joint income review, she actu­ally got less money and, by going to the state, she also broke our agree­ment that she would not con­test the child sup­port amount. She got less money and loss her alimony.

    She stated that I was a fool for hon­or­ing it for so many years because it was dis­solved with our decree. I haven’t argued the point with her because I don’t adver­tise my punches but, being so, what about the retire­ment? I retire next year and would love if I have a stand­ing to keep my retirement.

    If she takes me to court over it, she’d prob­a­bly win, wouldn’t she?

  58. Wow, this always kills me, it’s a shame that folks that get divorced are enti­tled to some­one else’s indi­vid­ual earn­ing because some­one doesn’t want to be with you. As unfor­tu­nate as it is, NOBODY SHOULD LOSE THEIR RETIREMENT for any reason..You may need child sup­port, spousal sup­port, equity into what you bring in. STOP BEING A LEACH!!! Move on with your life. Why be for­ever con­nected with someone.

    “30 years later, oh, I was mar­ried to this guy YEARS ago, I’m steal­ing his retire­ment for the rest of his life. Glad I know how to pick em”

    Shame…divorce should not be a punishment.

    1. How can this be lea­gal? A woman is mar­ried to a mil­i­tary mem­ber for 13 years of his 26 year career. Upon their divorce she was awarded 50% of his mil­i­tary retire­ment upon his retire­ment, which he no happy, but not fight­ing. Now he finds out that the orig­i­nal divorce decree also awards her max­i­mum SBP so his cur­rent wife does not get any­thing. So this man mar­ried to this woman 13 years and cur­rent wife 30 years before his death and when he dies they bet­ter hope they don’t have much debt since his retire­ment will stop and the money that use to come into his house­hold will go to his first wife, who is remar­ried, draw­ing social secu­rity, and has worked for the past 30 years. How can the law tell some­one they have to pro­vide for a woman that they are no longer mar­ried to after they die. What about the cur­rent wife who has built a future with this man? He is also 100% dis­abled through the VA.

  59. My husband’s ex was treated like a queen dur­ing their mar­riage and given 100% sup­port for pur­su­ing her own thriv­ing career and then she walked out on him with half of every­thing includ­ing the house and nearly half of his retir­ment after 13 years of mar­riage in which she decided she did not want chil­dren with him. Give back my ass!!! Then she had the nerve to spell out in the divorce set­tle­ment that she get his help with the dogs?! ********!! Did I hap­pen to men­tion she remar­ried two years after she started receiv­ing his retire­ment? She also had the for­sight to take out a life insur­ance pol­icy so that she can still receive the money after he dies!!! Get a life, in this case, it’s noth­ing but pure greed!! No way around it. I’m still wat­ing for some­body, any­body to try and jus­tify this to me. Can’t be done!!

    1. i would do the same thing but not for 13 yrs, he could also kill her and pay nothing

  60. The facts are sim­ple. I have 22 years of ser­vice and I have seen first hand what really hap­pens. Although it works both ways there are far more cases of the spouse cheat­ing on the mem­ber than the oppo­site. I have had peo­ple break down in front of me because there “anchor” was back home cheat­ing. In turn I have seen mil­i­tary mem­bers cheat on their spouse and used the UCMJ as the tool to fix it. This is where the bur­den should stop for a mil­i­tary mem­ber. It sick­ens me that a spouse can put them­selves on a level play­ing field with a mil­i­tary mem­ber just because they are back home tak­ing care of the house and kids it sim­ply does not compare.

  61. I won­der do civil­ians get the same thing? Mil­i­tary spouses are spoiled from the get go. They get a roof over there head, med­ical cov­er­age that exceeds any civil­ian cov­er­age and the finan­cial secu­rity that no civil­ian job can offer, just to name a few. . The mil­i­tary mem­ber did the work and the spouse sup­ported the mem­ber the pay off is the spouse has to worry about noth­ing in return. Tak­ing a mem­bers retire­ment is wrong and we should not have to give up what we right­fully earned because they are no longer happy in their mar­riage. Along the same lines of not very well thought out laws is the SBP (when a mem­ber dies half of their retire­ment goes to the first spouse and only that spouse can decline elec­tion. not the mem­ber who is the one that pays for it) I have heard rumor that this law is going to be changed but we know how that goes. . Just keep in mind that these are the same peo­ple that cre­ated the USFSPA are the same peo­ple that are giv­ing away mil­i­tary mem­bers hard earned retire­ment. Both of these laws need to be changed!

  62. My spouse rou­tinely threat­ened too take my retire­ment if I divorced. This cul­mi­nated in me being stuck in a mar­riage, period! The bot­tom line is the spouse does not put them­selves in harms way, or work ridicu­lously long hours, stand a watch or even remotely have to deal with the crap a mil­i­tary mem­ber has to put up with EVERYDAY OF THEIR CAREER.

    1. u should stand up to ur spouse. i per­son­nally would dare her to say some­thing like that to me, and i’ll make sure that she’ll be able to phys­i­cally walk again or speak clearly, oh and i’ll stay mar­ried to her . take out a life insur­ance pol­icy on her also.


    1. its solely up to the judge…

  64. I was a ser­vice mem­ber of 10 years.….got out and grad­u­ated from col­lege. I was mar­ried, until last year to a fel­low sol­dier for 14 years. It was I who pushed him and some­times did his work to get him pro­moted. When I got out of the ser­vice 1 year after we mar­ried, I worked 2 jobs and went to school full time while rais­ing 2 chil­dren. With all of this being said, I let him keep his retire­ment. I left him. He had no clue as to how unhappy I was.….I was the one always mak­ing sac­ri­fices while he got all the praise. I hope he enjoys “His” retire­ment, because I am now finally enjoy­ing “My” life. : )

    1. u are a fool. a ratio­nal per­son would be col­lect­ing what­ever retire­ment or pay­check he has coming.

  65. I recently found out and got my hus­band to finally con­fess to it that he cheated on me as soon as we got mar­ried. The bas­tard waited only 16 days to post a hook up add on craigslist. We dated for 6 years and mar­ried 1. I gave up a career to join him and this is my f*****ing reward. To all you sol­diers out there my hus­band wasn’t alone when he fre­quented ques­tion­able clubs and even had a friend buy him a lap dance to boot. Yet all I hear is how the wives are the only ones cheat­ing. That is a load of bull. I go to the FRG meet­ings and some of these gals are so obsessed with sup­port­ing the troops I almost pity them because I know at least one of them is being cheated on as well. I gave up a career a good start towards my future and all I hear is how I am a depen­dent. Guess what? I didn’t want to get mar­ried but he pushed the issue so I relented think­ing I didn’t want to not at least try.

    1. Some­thing sim­i­lar hap­pened to me. My ex pressed me to get mar­ried. He kept going on about how he was get­ting deployed to Ger­many and how we were going to be sep­a­rated for 3 years if we didn’t get mar­ried. I found out sev­eral years later it was all a lie. He asked for Ger­many when he reen­listed a cou­ple of weeks AFTER we got mar­ried!?! The first time he cheated was about a month after we got mar­ried and it has con­tin­ued ever since.

    2. u are a fool for giv­ing up ur goals for his own. in a mar­riage, both must sac­ri­fice some­thing for the other, its not a one way street, oth­er­wise, choose a bet­ter candidate

  66. If a for­mer spouse dies and is get­ting %50 per­cent of the mil­i­tary mem­ber pay­ment, does the mil­i­tary mem­ber receive the %100 per­cent awarded to him at retir­ment. com­mu­nity prop­erty divorce. Also is their any per­vi­sion while liv­ing can you fight to have a mil­i­tary retire­ment reduced going to the for­mer spouse due to remar­ried to a retired mil­i­tary mem­ber or any other options to fight to reduce the amount.

    1. zero options to fight it. Even if she remar­ries you pay her until one of you dies. You get back the rest of the pay­ment upon her demise.

  67. I am a Cana­dian, I read these posts with great sad­ness. I have been mar­ried to my hus­band for over 40 years. No, he was not military,but his online girl­friend is U.S. Mil­i­tary retired. She has moved to Canada to be near him. He now wants a divorce to be with her. She says she wants to become a Cana­dian. Will she lose her pen­sion if she remains in Canada?

    1. No she will not, if she is offi­cially retired she will retain her pen­sion and ben­e­fits regard­less of where she lives.

  68. My husband’s ex wife is ask­ing for a por­tion of his retire­ment after being divorced for over 4 years and they have both remar­ried. His retire­ment is not listed as being given to her in there divorce decree. Now she is try­ing to take him back to court to get there decree changed so that she can get part of his retire­ment. Is this even pos­si­ble. He will not agree to sign anything.

    1. Hire a lawyer, she can try all she wants (and if she didn’t waive it in the decree then she might have grounds) more than likely it will be thrown out though because a divorce decree is FINAL and says FINAL for a rea­son. Usu­ally the only things that can be changed down teh road are alimony or child sup­port. Not prop­erty divi­sion. Hire a lawyer and fight her tooth and nail if you have to.

  69. I was a sin­gle par­ent for my first 11 years of my career. I got mar­ried for eight years and am now get­ting divorced from my wife. I worked my butt off and put in long hours. I was vir­tu­ally debt free before I got mar­ried. I now have $23,000 in debt due to $1000/child christ­mas and exces­sive spend­ing. She is want­ing me to pay all debt and pay part of my pen­sion to her? Are you kididng me?

    1. no she is not kid­ding u. u both share that debt, so u both are respon­si­ble to pay it, ur dum­b­ass shouldve used ur head and real­ized the first 5k in bills u racked up was an indi­ca­tion that she isnt finan­cially respon­si­ble or some­one u should enter into a mar­riage let alone have kids with. i hope she takes ur ass to the bank

  70. How many mil­i­tary mem­bers would rather have spent time with their fam­ily than be gone and miss out on births, birth­days, Thanks­giv­ing, Christ­mas, school events, wathc­ing your kids in sports. I believe ther eis a big­ger sac­ri­fice on the mil­i­tary mem­bers part. What would you trade or rather do. Be home all the time or be gone and miss so much?

  71. My Mom and Dad were divorced in 1947. The divorce decree was got­ten in Arkansas. The court deamed Mom should have fourty dol­lars a week child sup­port, Dad rein­listed and car­ried on his taxes. Mom was always mov­ing from placed to place. Mom never saw one sup­port check,even though she tryed to get in con­tact with him through the Air Force when we lived in Michi­gan. The Air Force said they did not know him. The Ques­tion is what hap­pens to the Alot­ment money if you cant find the per­son it is to be payed to??? Please answer Thank You Flo­rence G Wil­son (Ledbetter)

  72. Well my father was mar­ried to my mother for 11 years and decided that he didn’t want to have chil­dren or a wife any­more in 1990. He aban­doned us all and never once paid for child sup­port. DOR was unable to find him. My mother had mar­ried him very young and had three chil­dren. After he left she did what she could as a wait­ress as we all grew up in poverty. I finally located him in 2001 using US Search. At this point he had gone about his own life becom­ing a phar­ma­cist. It is great that he aban­doned my mother to pay for their mis­takes while he was able to get a career. When US found him they were able to inter­cept two checks for 20,000 thou­sand dol­lars for back sup­port. 40,000 dol­lars for three chil­dren over the course of 10 years is sad. Any way I recently found out that he joined the navy and com­pleted 10 addi­tional years. This bas­tard is col­lect­ing from the govt. and is a phar­ma­cist while my mother con­tin­ues to wait­ress. She sacraficed her edu­ca­tion and career dreams for all of us. Is she enti­tled to some of this bas­tards mil­i­tary pen­sion. She cer­tainly earned it while deal­ing with this self­ish con­trol­ling dis­crace of a LT. COMMANDER.

    1. If it’s not in the decree then no she is not enti­tled to any­thing. If he’s only done 10 years in the Navy there is noth­ing to col­lect anyway.

    2. she failed to get a com­pe­tent lawyer, so that’s too bad, if u want revenge, track him down, ver­ify it is in fact ur father, and tell him what he did, and pull the trigger

  73. I was mar­ried to my spouse, 2nd spouse Non Vet­eran, from 12jun2001 to 07Sep2012. I retired from the Air National Guard 31Jan2003, spouse was only mar­ried to me for 1yr7months before I retire. He does not meet the 20/20/10. Will some­one tell me will he be enti­tle to any­thing. I was for­merly mar­ried before to another mil­i­tary mem­ber for 14 yrs. I would think he would be enti­tled to my retire­ment pay but we both agree to keep our own pen­sions. We both divorced and final divorce decree was 03Oct1998,(Military spouse one)

  74. I can under­stand giv­ing a por­tion of retire­ment money to those spouses who faith­fully served their mil­i­tary spouse, endur­ing moves (PCSs, deploy­ments) and watch­ing the kids while they were away. I get that and I fully sup­port that.

    Here’s where the law is unfair and pay atten­tion to this next part.

    Not every spouse is faith­ful, sup­port­ive or help­ful to their spouse’s career. In fact, in my case, my ex-spouse was actu­ally a hin­drance to me and my career, caus­ing numer­ous dis­tur­bances due to infi­delity, drugs, and other issues. She was, by no means, a sup­port­ive spouse nor did she “endure” any suf­fer­ing or hard­ships. We were only at one base for 8 years before our divorce. After 8 years of mar­riage, our Okla­homa fam­ily judge awarded her a por­tion of my retire­ment FOR LIFE. Oh, and to pour salt on the wound, she had taken my kids out of state and enrolled them in school to avoid los­ing custody–she was awarded cus­tody because the judge did not want to up-root them.

    As the mil­i­tary mem­ber in my case, I lost every­thing while my ex-spouse was awarded a windfall.

    Now, explain how this law is fair to every­one again…

  75. I was mar­ried to my ex, for 20 years. he always cheated on me, and every­time we got order for a cer­tain place, he would always get his orders changed for Kara, because he was always liv­ing with those women. i want to know if i could draw his retirement?

    1. Instead of sap­ping off his hard work, how about you start a career, work 20 years, and give half to him?

    2. if u arent col­lect­ing 50% of his retire­ment right now after 20yrs of mar­riage, then u are too stu­pid to deserve it

  76. Fel­low Mil­i­tary & fam­i­lies and bro­ken hearts,
    I want to tell you from per­sonal expe­ri­ence that the Marine Corp DOES NOT pro­mote bad sex­ual morale or neglect of fam­i­lies. Mat­ter of fact the fel­low Marines in my EX who is my Son’s father’s com­mand were the ones who turned him in, not me. I have a HUGE respect for the mil­i­tary and the com­mu­nity. I, how­ever under­stand that we are all humans includ­ing them and hurt, betrayal, deceit and all of the other tricks the devil plays are in our com­mu­nity as well..

    Now with that being said, no one is per­fect. No one has the right to por­tray them­selfs as hero’s and aban­don their morals, and all admirable qual­i­ties to be a marine. The rea­son they say “FEW PROUD MARINES” is because their are only few who hold to the ~honor and com­mit­ment, SEMPER FI ~tra­di­tion of the corp. INCLUDING the wifes…I have not walked away, I am not his wife but I would never leave him alone in PtSD, a hum­bled ego from war injuries, and a finan­cial mis­take. He is my son’s legacy..he is God’s child, HE is not a good hus­band and that was his ulti­mate mis­take as a marine. Every­one we know or meet can see he had a strong beau­ti­ful woman he lost because of the Alco­hol and loose women…HE SEE’S IT..I am his friend and I will always help him when his mind is lost in chaos and war, when the con­trol and brain­wash­ing is mak­ing him loose him­self. I will never take every­thing he has. I Am Still A Marine Wife. I just sleep alone (still) I love my coun­try and I am proud my fam­ily has been cared for and found a way to God’s love. He could have been on of the few but he let temp­ta­tion and weak­ness steal his career as a USMC. He is leav­ing after not pick­ing up and men­tally, phys­i­cally, emo­tion­ally chewed up and lit­er­aly spit out. I am the per­son he cheated, aban­doned, finan­cially used us for ben­e­fits we never saw, sep­a­ra­tion, BHA and some­one to blame and always come home to..I have one child. I have my own career. I have an ex Marine… I will never regret my deci­sions to stand by with box’s of Love & open arms. I am proud that I am admired for the qual­i­ties of good char­ac­ter, true friend­ship, and last but not least GRATITUDE AND LOYALTY…God is in my heart…and I am a Marine Wife

  77. My hus­band wii retire in Jan­u­ary 2013 , after 25 years of ser­vice. He will retire as a 0–5 . His ex wife will take 50% of his retire­ment , 8 years out of 25. My hus­band was not reservist nor eve­ni­ac­tive duty for the last 3 years when they were mar­ried. The years before that, he was enlisted. I am not the cause of sep­a­ra­tion , in fact, she is the one who wanted the divorce because they were not get­ting along any­more, I met him 3 years after the divorce​.NO CHEATING here from both parts! Now my ques­tion. Why this woman , who has no depand­able chil­dren iany­more s enti­tled to recieve O-5 pay­check if dur­ing their mar­riage he was enlisted? Is there a way to pay her only the high­est pay of his last rank as enlisted? I am not com­plain­ing that she has to be paid, I do not think is fair to upgrade her retire­ment share from enlisted to offi­cer. Is there any­thing my hus­band can do?

    1. time to buy a gun

  78. Mil­i­tary Pen­sion after a Divorce. My final divorce decree stated that my ex would NOT recieve any pen­sion ben­e­fits if she remar­ried or cohab­i­tated with a unre­lated male. Now, six years later, she is threat­en­ing to take me to court to reverse that deci­sion so that she will recieve it. How likely is that to be over­turned? Should I lawyer up?

  79. Okay soldier…so now being mar­ried is some­thing that you equate with wel­fare? I don’t think so. Hey Chippies…if you know who he is…stay away. He doesn’t know what a mar­riage is sup­posed to be. Not every woman is pre­pared to be a dual career wife. Their husband’s rather like them being home and pay­ing atten­tion to them, while they make babies that they don’t nec­es­sar­ily want.

    1. how is doing CHORES for a liv­ing work­ing? In this day and age spouses SHOULD work. We are a dual career fam­ily, it’s nice that all the pres­sure for our sur­vival isn’t placed solely on my hus­bands shoul­ders. God for­bid he gets injured at least I know we can pay the bills. And if he ever divorces me like you hear oh so many times on this site, I don’t have to leach off of him like some troll of an ex spouse.

  80. My exwife gets 32% of my mil­i­tary retirement..by court order..We got divorced after 13 years in Army. Is this 32% calu­lated at the time of Divorce (E7 with 13 year in Army) or is it calu­lated by when I retire. When I retire I will have 26 years…does she get right to to 32% of the other 13 years after my divorce..

    1. its a lit­tle late to be ask­ing about percentages

  81. Hope­fully some­one will be able to answer my ques­tion on here, but I plan on going to base legal soon to get some advice. But, can any­one tell me if I will be enti­tled to any por­tion of my husband’s future retire­ment? He has 5 more years left. We have been mar­ried 8 1/2 years. When we do divorce, he will have at least 5 more years left. He cheated on me while in Iraq 2 years ago and I have tried to stay and make things work, but just can­not get past this. I am a stay at home mom and have been all this time. I am not just some greedy woman try­ing to suck money out of the mil­i­tary ser­vice mem­ber. But I am want­ing to know what my enti­tle­ments are in regards to the retire­ment. Thank you.

    1. You aren’t “enti­tled” to any­thing until a judge decides you are so all you can really do is hire an attor­ney. A judge can award you a small por­tion of retire­ment pay, but they can also decide not to, to put a time lim­i­ta­tion on it. You won’t meet any other time require­ments so you will loose health­care, com­mis­sary, base priv­i­leges etc.

  82. How many USA mar­riages break up over­seas while serv­ing with a mil­i­tary spouse? I am the vic­tim, my mar­riage broke up overseas.

  83. My ex-wife was a Med­ical Doc­tor grad­u­at­ing from an Ivy League school and also had a Mas­ters in Pre­ven­tive Med­i­cine. I retired as a USMC Mas­ter Sergeant and she got a piece of my pen­sion. Dur­ing the 7 years that we live together as hus­band and wife I did not deploy once and my USMC career never was a bur­den to her. She just wanted the money.

    1. im sure her money is noth­ing com­pared to her cur­rent salary now, the way it works, is that u should take her to court for alimony now

  84. (part 2) i think that the worst part about all of it was leav­ing ‘his’ son behind when we divorced and telling my daugh­ter her fam­ily was split­ting. and you know, the ex-husband’s FIRST con­cern was.…‘don’t go after my retire­ment, I earned it’.…excuse me? you fat @ss mo’ fo’…you slept around while i raised our fam­ily and made career changes left and right so you could keep yours. i deserve RANK, i deserve that E8 you now have.… i stud­ied with this man so he could go before boards, i brain­stormed with him to help bet­ter his pro­duc­tion. all for what? so he could cheat w/younger women and ask me to leave his retire­ment alone? .

  85. (part 3) i will say that there are women out there that delib­er­ately go after the soldier’s ben­e­fits and that truly is a shame. but in this case & my case, not so much. we ‘wives’ busted our @sses to help bet­ter the servicemen’s career, for what in the end? to pick up the pieces and start OUR careers OVER. i do praise the ser­vice, because although i wasn’t the enlisted mem­ber, it made me stronger, more patri­otic, more of an upstand­ing cit­i­zen.… but what it did for my ex-husband was all the oppo­site– greed. so, for the ser­vice mem­bers that have been screwed over, there are ex-spouses that have gone through just the same. don’t judge on someone’s story and think that they are money grub­bing– you just don’t know.

  86. Until my ser­vice mem­ber ex spouse signs off on the mil­i­tary pen­sion, he is send­ing me per­sonal checks for my “por­tion” of the retired pay, as deter­mined by the courts. Since DFAS taxes his pay­ment why do I pay taxes on the per­sonal check he sends me?
    Sec­ond part: since he is send­ing me an esti­mate of what DFAS will send me when he signs the DFAS forms, I am pay­ing taxes on that, not on the actual amount which will be lower.
    If a penna. atty who has been through this is reading…speak up and let me kow how to reach you.

    1. Wait…he’s send­ing you pay­ments and you are com­plain­ing that you have to pay taxes on that?!?!?!?!?! get a grip, he’s pay­ing you, why should he pay you X amount then get stuck pay­ing all your taxes too? If it’s con­sid­ered alimony it’s tax­able for you and tax deductible for him. Go hire another attor­ney if you think you have a strong case that he is doing some­thing wrong…just remem­ber it will cost you at least 2-3k to hire him…that’s a lot of retire­ment checks

  87. My hus­band and his ex were mar­ried for 17 yrs, he was active duty for 16 of the 17 yrs… he stayed in for 31 yrs. In their decree it says that she gets a % of his retire­ment, can she “col­lect” on all the years he stayed in after they were divorced?

    1. If the decree doesn’t state an exact dol­lar amount or that it’s based off of pay for X years or pay with­out COLA then yes she gets X per­cent­age of his 31 year retire­ment pay…how is that for screwed up, yet another rea­son that hor­rid spouse pro­tec­tion act needs MAJOR revi­sion or cancellation

  88. if she is press­ing a legal issue against u, com­mon sense would tell ur dum­b­ass to lawyer up, and no, she has no case if it was agreed upon in the final divorce decree

  89. I have an issue open for dis­cus­sion when I divorced my ex part­ner was con­sid­ered to be enti­tled to 39 per­cent of my retire­ment pay at the day our divorce was final so my issue is that on that date the amount should have been cal­cu­lated using my time in ser­vice rank and points to deter­mine a fixed amount due my ex spouse . how­ever after that date I remained in the retired reserves and accrued points by com­mit­ting to be in a state of duty for cal­lus and remained in that state for 20 more years before I reached 60 and my final pay was com­puted (I believe that any increase in pay from the date of the divorce being final­ized is mine and mine alone because from that date on we had no mutual mil­i­tary com­mit­ment I was the only one with any oblig­a­tion so the ex spouse should be com­puted on the date of divorce being final with the mutual points divided and my pay should then be later com­puted when I turned 60 and my oblig­a­tion was ended and I became eli­gi­ble for retire­ment pay and benefits

  90. devoted stu­pid mil­i­tary wife of retired air force man. I have been mar­ried to my air force retired hus­band for 40 years, the whole 20 years of him being in the ser­vice he has cheated on me, i have even caught him in the act. with me com­ing home home from my all night job at 2 am, to find that he BEAT with a belt my then 5 year old son, damn near to death. he beat him as if he was 15/16 yrs old!, I came close to being jailed for life, I went off on him to no end, he beat my son ‘because the child would’nt go to sleep” so his lover could come to my house to be sexed by him. he has come home with makeup/lipstick on his uni­form shirt, smelling like a per­fume fac­tory, he’s come home with­out any under­wear on & said ” he had to garbage them cause his bow­els were loose”.. he even came home with­out ANY under­wear on at all!. times when he had to pick me up from my job, at 7 pm, he showed up at 930 pm. he was sup­posed to pick up our the chil­dren from the base child­care cen­ter, which he FORGOT to do. he was online send­ing his lat­est fling flower’s and choclate’s, Oh i could i just go on and on and on .now i’ve always been a good look­ing woman. weigh­ing 125lbs and don’t look of my age, even now, at 58. he took off and never put on again his wed­ding ring back in june of 1986. we have not been imti­mate since then, no sex for 27 years! so yes i am the biggest dumb fool of a life­time. and still with him, you see i have schizoaff­fect dis­or­der. the three chil­dren are all grown and gone, and I’M too scared to live alone, he GIVES me( thanks to my friend gir)l… $25.00 a month allowance, as i no longer can work or get dis­abil­ity, we were mar­ried in 1973 and i should have divorced him in 1974!, any­way he wrote the book on being cheap, but that”s a whole nother book to be writ­ten, i was the one to raise the chil­dren alone, he was too busy run­ning up every skirt he could find, and has three other kid’s by another female, i bet­ter stop writ­ting this post, as i can go on to write another 100 pages!, so now i am divorc­ing him, i make th e 20 20 20 rule, can you tell me if i will get the 50% of his retire­ment and my sbp? and do i any have rea­son to be afarid of divorc­ing him»air force wise? and no he will never remarry as he is too stink­ing and NASTY. his mouth is raggedy with broke off teeth to the gums and their all black! and he’s not healty at ALL, do i have any chance of win­ning in this divorce? thank you!

  91. I joined the air­force in 82 got mar­ried in 85 and then she divorced me 10 yrs to the date. i was over­seas and got the paper­work for the divorce and signed it. i fin­ished my 20 yrs of ser­vice, she remar­ried all child sup­port is taken care of, is there any way to apeal the 50% of my retir­erment to her to reduce it or get it all back i have been liv­ing on 700.00 for 10 years and need to get on with my life she mar­ried into a very well off sit­u­a­tion. the divorce took place in south dakota is it pos­si­able to take her back to court to have a reduc­tion of % or can i get it all back? or mabey noth­ing at all?? ire­ally need some direc­tion on this mat­ter thanks

  92. My hus­band and I came close to divorc­ing this year and we worked it out and are back together. Today he asked me to sign away his mil­i­tary retire­ment ben­e­fits if it ever goes bad again and we head for divorce. Is that even legal? Any advice?

  93. I was in the Navy for 29 years and I was mar­ried to my ex for 14.6years. We divorced, in Cal­i­for­nia, and agree upon 800 per month. She has remar­ried. Is she still enti­tled to the spousal support?

  94. im mar­ried to a ret man 46 years yes im entied to his pay

  95. Totally agree! 100, 000 and another 400,000 as well as pay­check for life goes a long way.

  96. Jim if you had given up your career as a woman to travel around the coun­try for 17 yrs. to pro­mote your husband’s career, mov­ing every two yrs. and rais­ing your chil­dren alone, you would most likely feel enti­tled to your small share of the retire­ment. I could have had a fab­u­lous retire­ment if I had not given it up to fol­low him and give our chil­dren the atten­tion they needed.

  97. Too true Jim.…far too many lazy @ssed peo­ple out there with there hand out expect­ing to be pro­vided for.

  98. Make no mis­take Jim and DO NOT get it twisted, when we as spouses give up our career choices to fol­low the mil­i­tary mem­ber, you bet your bot­tom $$$$ we have EARNED every dime of the funds due us. It is obvi­ous you are prob­a­bly one that owes but refuses to pay…shame on you!!!

  99. My ex hus­band never sup­ported me or our 4 chil­dren he never paid any child­sup­port or got the kids any­thing. He never informed the Defense that we were ever mar­ried. It is a shame that I was abused and I fight every­day to stay employed and now that I hear that I will not be get­ting any of his $4000 retire­ment after 13 yrs of mar­riage because I didn’t know to ask for it. I am fight­ing to keep myself above water. I thought it was like ss.

  100. As for me I didn’t get a degree because I was too busy stay­ing home tak­ing care of the home and chil­dren while my hus­band went to every coun­try or state he could to get away. He vol­un­teered to stay away.. I may not have been in harms way in a war but I sure as hell had a lot on my shoul­ders try­ing to be Mom and Dad.

  101. I am once again being taken back to court by my abu­sive ex-husband regard­ing monies he will received when I start get­ting my pen­sion. Not for 8 more years. Any sum guessed at is only an esti­mate. I was in an no fault state so even though I have gone to abuse coun­sel­ing it can’t be brought up in divorce court.

  102. Jim, I totally agree it’s not fair to be made give up some­thing an indi­vid­ual worked hard for because the spouse is lazy and chooses not to do bet­ter in their careers. Greedy comes to mine if they have careers and still want what the solider worked hard for. Just my thoughts?

  103. Amen to that

  104. Jim, I was mar­ried for 14 years, moved 7 times, went through 4 infi­delites on his part, as well as other things too per­sonal to pub­li­cally post. I wholly sup­ported him in his career, am the daugh­ter of mil­i­tary par­ents and grand­par­ents, and knew how to con­duct myself as a “good” mil­i­tary wife. While I am not com­plain­ing, as it was my choice to marry him, it made for a dif­fi­cult tran­si­tion into sin­gle life with­out a degree. Because he cheated I decided to receive the por­tion of his retire­ment ben­e­fits that I am enti­tled to. I was in this mar­riage for the long haul– his retire­ment was also my retire­ment, which he never dis­puted. I am mov­ing for­ward, am in school , and am on my way to “pro­vid­ing myself a bet­ter life.” I am not look­ing for a “hand­out” but rather what I am enti­tled to, should I not be finan­cially secure for retire­ment since my career will start at 45 years old. The real “shame” is that peo­ple blan­ket judge oth­ers with­out know­ing the full details of each expe­ri­ence. All of those close to my ex and I dur­ing our mar­riage believe I’m enti­tled to this ben­e­fit. Even him.

  105. Jacky — I’m sorry to hear of your tough cir­cum­stances. The only way DFAS will cut the check and send it directly to you is if you were mar­ried 10 years while in the ser­vice. con­sid­er­ing the retire­ment split is spec­i­fied in your divorce decree, con­sider hir­ing a lawyer. That costs money, but it could bring a pos­i­tive out­come for you. Good luck and best wishes.

  106. Jacky J
    There is a Gov­er­ment assis­tance pro­gram QDRO that can assist you in help­ing you obtain the money you were awarded. I don’t have a direct con­tact for you but you can google mil­i­tary qdro assis­tance and they will help you. This is their job!!!

  107. i know you posted this long ago but it will find you if it’s meant to be. All you need to is take your­di­vorse decree and call DFAS your­self, if it says the amount your awarded in there and you were mar­ried 10 or more year while he was active duty, they will star an allot­ment to the account of your choice, and there’s no way for him to stop it. if you were mar­ried less than 10 years, but it’s in your divorse decree a cer­tain amount then you go to court and charge hi9m with con­tempt, he will also have to pay your lawyers fees, so yes they do pro­tect you, you just need to know the law.


  109. While I was away serv­ing my Coun­try, my wife was ser­vic­ing her sex­ual needs. She admit­ted to the Pas­tor that she had ser­viced over 25 men. She was the fill­ing sta­tion and they were the gas trucks. Now she not only is after my retire­ment, VA home and per­sonal items, she has taken me to court for her being over weight. She prob­a­bly weighs about 450lbs and that was from her pulling the refrig­er­a­tor up into the front room.

  110. You must file the appro­pri­ate paper­work to get the 50% — you can find the paper­work on line — he doesn’”t have to do any­thing. Call 1–877-622‑5930 and speak with the DFAs Gar­nish­ment Oper­a­tions Direc­torate about your case. .….. Mel :)

  111. That’s not true. I get my por­tion from his mil­i­tary pay check. He get a check and i get a check,. Check again and talk with a superviser.

  112. Take him back to court i did my ex and if it says it in the decree the judge will award it and all you do is fax it to the gar­nish­ment depart­ment and you start receiv­ing it believe me it can be done i was told that at first until i had the judgement.

  113. I say try him om Face­book and every other social media. After all peo­ple put every­thing is out there. Per­son­ally I believe, Dead Beat Dads, exes who are behind on their child sup­port, Exes who are behind on Alimony and Mil­i­tary Mem­bers who know they are doing wrong by not giv­ing you part of the Mil­i­tary Retire­ment. Put every­thing out there pho­tos as well. No hold­ing back..


  114. That’s right! The role of the spouse in a mil­i­tary husband’s career involves many sac­ri­fices. No doubt we all know how non-commissioned and com­mis­sioned offi­cers rely on their wives in pro­to­col mat­ters. How many of these wives have been required to par­tic­i­pate in var­i­ous capac­i­ties JUST because they are mar­ried to one of these men?

  115. Bullsh*t. I am in the mil­i­tary — a WOMAN — mar­ried and made the choice to serve.….and my ex hus­band MADE THE CHOICE to marry me! No one made you fol­low your hus­band around. Just how did you mange to move every 2 years as well? Didnt’ hap­pen. Your hus­band was also home more than he was gone — i am will­ing to bet this.
    go get a job!

  116. I agree Diane!

  117. Diane with all do respect…that was a choice you made when you mar­ried him!

  118. Just another excuse. Depen­dents always had a choice, there are plenty of mil to mil cou­ples that have gone on to have great careers, & raised their fam­i­lies. We all have choices, I just think it’s a cheap way out for lazy peo­ple. Espe­cially after they remarry.

  119. We all know what it is like to forego a career, give up our oppor­tu­ni­ties, screw up our resumes with short term employ­ment while sup­port­ing our husband’s career ini­tia­tives. We are an “asset” while the mil­i­tary career is in place, but when that career if over and retire­ment sets in, what do we become? Well, in many cases we become part of the “end” of that career as well. We were good enough to get him where he wanted to be, but when he retires and wants to re-visit the “life” he feels he has missed.…..; we become obso­lete, not young enough, and bogged down with the wor­ries and respon­si­bil­i­ties of finances he doesn’t want to bother with. We served our “pur­pose” and now that is over, accord­ing to him. So, we should just let these guys who have already ful­filled their career and gained free train­ing and exper­tise to aid them in their job search, dump us and move on while “we” are left with noth­ing but gaps in our resumes, short term employ­ment ref­er­ences, and unfin­ished education?

    Heck no! We paid our dues and these guys owe us! They mar­ried us for a pur­pose, we did the job, and we deserve our pay!

  120. I hope you weren’t think­ing that I agree with the for­mer spouse tak­ing a por­tion of the Mil­i­tary Mem­bers Retirement/Retainer. Because I totally dis­agree ! The for­mer spouse did NOTHING to deserve it !
    Do we see truck­ers spouses’ get­ting any­thing for LIFE ? I think not. They are gone from home alot too.

  121. Please tell me what you are doing so I can do the same. I caught mine and have proof, he is still in. And we are get­ting a divorce, he asked. Tried to lie at first was me, all me, that I was the issue. Well, I found out oth­er­wise and have proof, emails upon emails and list­ings posted, even while on duty. So, any words of advice? Please??

  122. Ma;am,
    My husband’s divorce decree from his first wife says absolutely noth­ing about his mil­i­tary retire­ment. They were mar­ried for 20 years, all 20 he was in the Navy — still is.
    What is the statue of lim­i­ta­tions (Vir­ginia) for her to come back and attempt to get some of his retire­ment? Their chil­dren are both grown.

  123. Thank you so much for your story, although your story brought me tears but it was also relief. I was mar­ried to a sol­dier only for 8 months but his girl­friend for 7 years and when I vis­ited Hawaii to find out why he was neglect­ing me and the kids to my sur­prise he has a new life. The sad thing is that Yes, Army mem­bers are sleep­ing with each other and is well aware but I guess as long as no one speak of this mat­ter it is swept under the rug…

  124. Amen, Nev­er­a­gain. The sad part is that if you are enti­tled to any­thing on paper, you still have to pay attor­neys out the nose to rep­re­sent you.…you win…, but in the end, when he bites the dust, what you fought for and won is given to new wife #2 because he made sure she gets it all.

  125. TL;DR

  126. To Never Again.…Totally agree.…..the years we were mar­ried to these liars.…There is not a mon­e­tary price. tag you can attach to it.…..They fight for a measly chunk of change…and that is what they are worth…and they guard it with their life.….

    When these guys are old.….they will remem­ber their evil deeds.…and no one will come to their rescue.…..They have earned this evil..curse upon their lives.…

  127. (part 1) kudos to you nev­er­a­gain! KUDOS!! i was a mil­i­tary wife for 13 years. raised HIS son from a pre­vi­ous mar­riage and had a daugh­ter between us. i was put in ‘charge’ of the pcs-ing, re-integrating our kids into the com­mu­nity, find­ing doc­tors, den­tists, day cares AND new jobs for ME every time we moved! i han­dled our finances, bought the houses, cars– you name it! all for the sake of this mil­i­tary man. he cheated for the last 5 years of our mar­riage. most likely our entire mar­riage, but i have no proof. he fratinized with lower rank­ing sin­gle MOTHERS because they were easy tar­gets. i was our family’s ‘anchor’.

  128. Good to hear a women speak out for us men!~ Thank you !

  129. You are truly an excep­tion to the rule…maybe your dis­po­si­tion is why he is gone…I’m just say­ing. FYI, do not know what branch you so angrily serve in, but offi­cers of the Army move every two years and are not home most of the time. Get your facts straight hon.

  130. You go girl! I was in the Marine Corps, mar­ried a Marine and chose to end my mil­i­tary career to fol­low him, key word CHOSE TO!. We were mar­ried in 1996 and divorced in 2008. At no time dur­ing this 12 year mar­riage did I con­sider my rela­tion­ship a JOB. I took 1 year of our 12 year mar­riage off to devote my time to my first child and attend school. I worked in every town we moved to and con­tin­ued my edu­ca­tions through­out the entire mar­riage. I watch women who are mar­ried to civil­ian busi­ness men expe­ri­ence way more hard­ships than I did as a mil­i­tary spouse. The mil­i­tary takes care of it’s own and pro­vides hous­ing, util­i­ties, and school money for all mem­bers and spouses. Not to men­tion we had med­ical, den­tal, and vision at a very small or no cost out of pocket.

  131. Unless the Civil­ian Male Mem­ber is incapc­i­tated in some way He should not col­lect any­thing from his Female Mil­i­tary Spouse. It is a well known fact that Men always get paid in the Civil­ian Sec­tor a whole lot more than a Woman. If you do not believe me look it up, it is there for all to see. There is still a lot of glass ceil­ings out there, I have been there and done that. I am very happy to see that the Armed Ser­vices are finally impow­er­ing women to be able to use the tal­ents they have in defend­ing our country.

  132. I 100% agree; no one forced the mouth to say “I do”…


  133. There is no lim­i­ta­tion. The money is not child sup­port it id mar­i­tal assets divided like any other asset. She will have to go back to court and have her decree revised. It can be done.

  134. He/She sup­ported you. Fed you, took care of you. Bought you gifts. You are an adult. You chose to leave home and fol­low him/her. You choice to give up the job. I know mil­i­tary peo­ple that their spouse stayed some­where because of a good job. You made the choice. He didnt put a gun to your head and force you to go.. Mil­lions of peo­ple raise kids alone like my sis­ter. She doesnt say I deserve this or that, she makes do. My friend helps me through my prob­lems and stress which there is many do I have to pay him for the rest of my life now. No you care for some­one then that is what you do for free. You dont coun­sel a friend then send them a bill..

  135. Yeah right, you haven’t earned any­thing! There are many of my friends that are mar­ried to mil­i­tary mem­bers, and they have seeked out very suc­cess­ful careers. Their are also many dual mil­i­tary fam­i­lies that seem to make it. Yes all with sac­ri­fices, but they are not look­ing for a free ride! Some­time the truth hurts.

  136. You haven’t earned JACK. I’m a mil­i­tary spouse, guess what…I work for a liv­ing and do all of the things you all claim to be your “job” (news­flash, it’s not a job, they are called house­hold chores). I too move every 2–3 years, never had a prob­lem con­tin­u­ing my career because I had the drive to do so.

    Have you per­son­ally received a pay­check and con­tributed to fed­eral taxes, social secu­rity, and state taxes? Prob­a­bly not, so no you haven’t earned a damn thing

  137. I guess I have to agree on both parts, I DO pay my share and you all are right. There good spouses and bad ones, so we can’t really say who deserves and who doesn’t now can we? We can only say a good for­mer spouse deserves her/his due and vice verse. Really if you are a spouse who sat on your tush and really did noth­ing in regards to your ser­vice member’s career(and they know who they are) you would com­plain and say all kinds of things about you deserv­ing an amount of that person’s fund. In other words peo­ple can be like sharks and smell blood (weak blood) a mile away.

  138. Like I said before the chil­dren should always be taken care of. The exs can and should work. The exs are look­ing for a hand out instead of going out and actu­ally work­ing. (LAZY)

  139. Not all mil­i­tary wives are ded­i­cated to their fam­i­lies. I divorced my wife after 15 years of mar­riage over­lap­ping my career. She moved with me and kept my kids alive when I was gone, but thats all. I put up with infi­delity the entire 15 years. She was not a good wife and not that good of a mother. The judge awarded me cus­tody of my two kids and 100% of my mil­i­tary retire­ment. He said she didn’t earn one dime as a mil­i­tary spouse! Some­times it works out.

  140. No they are just lazy

  141. Happy Now… You must have had a good lawyer as well. Im in Illi­nois.. What state did you divorce in ? I need help.

  142. bs i spent 23 plus years in offi­cers do not moe every two years get you facts straight the move posi­tions with in a batal­ion but can an nor­mally do stay in that bat­tal­ion more than twp years. spme may move at two years but that is needs of the army or they have issues an the bat­tal­ion com­man­der request them trans­fered out ect.

  143. As long as you have the divorce state FINAL DECREE , NO ADJUSTMENTS that doc­u­ment can­not be mod­i­fied or changed make sure you get it nota­rized and kept on file!!!

  144. I wanted to go back to school to fin­ish my edu­ca­tion that I stopped to fol­low him. He always said that as soon as all the kids were in school I could go back. when our last child grad­u­ated from school I asked him again to keep his promise to let me go back to school only to be told there wasn”t any money for it. That is funny as there sure seemed to be enought money for his trucks, boats, fish­ing equip­ment etc etc. I then went and got a Pell Grant. instead of get­ting a hey that is the way to do it he said, ” you went be hind my back! You just sneaked around to do that against my wishes! He acted like I had cheated on him. Then he said I was to old and if I did learn some­thing who in their right minds would hire and old per­son like me . I did clean that up some as I do not want to offend. I sup­ported him in many ways. I did his mail order stud­ies as he didn’t either want to, have time to, or brains to. I pol­ished boots, ironed uni­forms, etc etc for him as he was a cook and didn’t have time to make fancy cakes for change of com­mands and owc etc I did them and he got the credit for it. We moved 19 times in 20 years. I raised 3 kids mostly by myself even when he was home he was either watch­ing tv or sleep­ing. He was absent from his fam­ily. I worked for AAFES 18 and 1/2 years the only ones who got retire­ment were those who worked full time and we were never in one place long enough for me to get to that point. So earn­ing my own retire­ment? How in this world could I have done that?

  145. Greg…have you ever heard the words “Til Death Do Us Part?” That is exactly what mar­riage is about. Both promise to remain with each other, even when he farts under the blan­ket at night, or becomes dis­abled dur­ing war. She promises to be a good wife and to care for their chil­dren, and if the oppor­tu­nity presents itself, she might go back to school. Those oppor­tu­ni­ties didn’t exist years ago, at least for spouses. The GI bill was for men who served overseas.

    I your sis­ter had chil­dren and didn’t get mar­ried, then she wasn’t promised a life­long com­mit­ment. Mar­ried women are promised just that. That is what they rely on…the promises that her hus­band made to her. He has to rely on her promises as well. He doesn’t expect her to cheat on him, or to dump the chil­dren on him either. But guess way…it hap­pens to mil­lions of wives. But now you want to defend them for break­ing their word or the women for believ­ing them? So sorry!! It is not your parents’s job to help you either. They have a right to retire in peace also. Grow up.

  146. And wife num­ber two should be left in the dust? That’s a crock it’s your own fault that you didn’t have SBP or a life insur­ance named in the divorce decree…pay for your own stupidity

  147. michelle, unfor­tu­an­tely if your child was not legally adopted, they will loose their mil­i­tary ben­e­fits because the child is not his bio­log­i­cal child. You bio­log­i­cal chil­dren with the mil­i­tary mem­ber will con­tinue to recieve ben­e­fits untl 26yrs of age.
    I know this was what you did not want to hear but i just wanted let you know this is how the mil­i­tary law states who gets what. you can still talk to an atto­ryney who is knowl­edge­able in mitl­i­tary law for more info. hope this helps.

  148. As long as he didn’t legally adopt the bas­tard child he won’t have to pay her a dime for her since her bio father should be pay­ing. But he also has to come to terms with the fact that he’ll never see that child again. If they have a child together he will have to pay child sup­port. Make sure that come hell or high water he hires a good lawyer knowl­edgable with mil­i­tary law because while she prob­a­bly will get half his retire­ment she is NOT (by fed­eral law) sup­posed to get any of his dis­abil­ity. How­ever, many lawyers and judges don’t know this and it does some­times get added to the pot. She might get alimony if she’s not work­ing. Peo­ple like that just tick me off, choos­ing to do noth­ing with their lives and then expect­ing the ser­vice mem­ber to be their life­long meal ticket.

  149. Speak­ing from expe­ri­ence, this is not true. You can take them to court, it can be ordered to be paid, but, unless he/she has prop­erty to which a lein can be placed against, you are up the creek. I ended up pay­ing all court cost for tak­ing it back to court and my attornies fees. He is liv­ing hap­pily ever after with the entire amount each month. It is no longer worth the bit­ter­ness and stress to pur­sue it any fur­ther. He will get his one day!!!!

  150. Deb­o­rah, I com­pletely agree with you on that point.
    When you are mar­ried you are a team. They both choose to have chil­dren, who would have raised their chil­dren? Who did the moves and unpacked? Or went to the sup­port groups rep­re­sent­ing your posi­tion and career? Who was on the pier with the Wel­come Home sign? Remem­ber this might be the hus­band or wife..
    The mod­ern mil­i­tary in this day and age want a Hus­band & Wife team each sup­port­ing one another’s mil­i­tary careers, even our senior mil­i­tary like to see a mar­ried team pro­mot­ing each other. If this was the case well someone’s career was put on hold due to a spouses career mil­i­tary demands and yes you both agreed on this arrange­ment. Weather you are the wife or hus­band in the mil­i­tary. Now the spouse that made the sac­ri­fices must catch up to years lost in the work force some­thing they sup­ported you climb­ing up the pay scale. I just get so frus­trated and blown away by the igno­rant com­ments a free­bie..
    Give me a break noth­ing is free every­one knows that! Stand up and honor your com­mit as a team! You sure didn’t mind your spouse sac­ri­fic­ing theirs at the time now its time for you to sac­ri­fice on your end. Stop whin­ing about it!

  151. Still a hand­out, I also can argue on the other side where I have many friends mar­ried to mil­i­tary mem­bers and they have a very suc­cess­ful career. Yes, they prob­a­bly had many more sac­ri­fices than you ever will, but they made it. No free ride for them. It is all about choices, but I can ensure you that in no way did you earn one penny of that retire­ment that the mil­i­tary mem­ber worked 20 years for. Maybe you earned other things in the mar­riage, but DEFINITELY NOT THE RETIREMENT!

  152. She did not have to say I do. She did not have to get mar­ried, could have chose some­one else.

  153. Said it before and I’ll say it again. I am a spouse and I have NEVER had a prob­lem retain­ing my career with some hard work. We work as a team to pro­mote each oth­ers careers and to raise chil­dren… I would NEVER sink so low as to go after his retire­ment in the case of divorce. If you choose to give up a career because it’s “eas­ier” to focus on tak­ing care of house, and a spouses career, then that is your OWN fault, you chose to give up your life to focus on some­one elses, and that’s sim­ply not healthy

  154. Deb­o­rah — Thank you for your ser­vice to our great nation. It is a team sport, a fam­ily affair! While some spouses are able to pull off a career and build retire­ment sav­ings, oth­ers feel pulled in a dif­fer­ent direc­tion. Everyone’s sit­u­a­tion is dif­fer­ent and no one should assume that if one per­son did it this way, we can all do it that way. You hang in there!

  155. I did all of the mov­ing and unpack­ing and even informed my for­mer spouse of edu­ca­tional pro­grams that were free on base. I went to every event by myself Susan and when I asked my spouse she said no. I DO pay my spouse for her time because I real­ize she did leave every­thing she new behind, and even went back to visit. Susan I bet if you spouse were in the hos­pi­tal you would have been there right by his side wouldn’t you. Mines wasn’t and can’t really even remem­ber what i even did in the mil­i­tary when her friends ask. I raised my step­daugh­ter as my own and even gave her my GI bill, sh never come to visit only when she needs some­thing from me, or well that’s it!! I know there are well deserv­ing spouses out there, but any­one in their right mind can get a free trip, in our out of the mil­i­tary. I guess it depends on how you look at it. I hope you respond to this because I have read lots of com­ments both good and bad, and man all I can is say if you owe pay!! Every body gets their due!!

  156. Take her to court for the back child sup­port. There is no time lim­i­ta­tion to col­lect back due sup­port. If there is a order that insists she pay sup­port for the chil­dren then she’s legally oblig­ated to pay it, even if they are over 18 now.


  158. Many of the jobs avail­able for mil­i­tary spouses are GS posi­tions, which trans­fer from base to base. I know sev­eral ladies who are retir­ing from GS (gov­ern­ment ser­vice jobs) or trans­fer­ring their time to other gov­ern­ment jobs out­side of the military.

  159. That was a choice they both agreed on. He also chose to marry her. If you don’t want to share don’t get mar­ried plain and sim­ple. She deserves half of everything.


  161. I tried that ‚putting my foot down as you say. telling him I wasn’t going to sign to help him get the lat­est truck that he fan­cied. He kept talk­ing and talk­ing and talk­ing about all of the things he had done for me and would not let me sleep so I could go to work with some energy. He kept this rou­tine up for 3 to 4 days. I finally did it so he would let me sleep! He was not only talk­ing to me but if he thought I had fallen asleep he would pull my hair. If I tried going to the couch he would just folow me there and steal my pil­lows and blan­kets. That is when I decided that that come hell or hight water I was going to find away back to school and learn how to do some­thing bet­ter than just being a cashier or a sales associate/sales clerk. I was going to go and if he got bet­ter I would con­tinue to stay with him because I loved him or so I thought I real­ize now that He didn’t love me and that even though he apoli­gized and said I wil never do this again he lied. We were co-dependent we both needed some­one but it was all wrong.

  162. your not worth my comment…

  163. Oh yes…but you wanted equal­ity. If you count your med­ical and all the other bennys.…you make more than he does. He’s enti­tled too.

  164. You Sir, are a Woman Hater. She must have been really mean to you. I am sorry for your mis­for­tune. All women aren’t like that. May God heal your wounds.

  165. Be happy you got rid of that loser. We are not all that way.

  166. There is SO much I would love to say to you ! Like, I bet you are one of very many that thinks it“s fair that you deserve HIS money for LIFE. That money was NOT vested(which by the way means YOU or ur spouse did NOT con­tribute to. And last I knew, the for­mer spouse didn’t work their a** off in 100 degree weather or in tem­per­a­tures far below 0. I could go on and on.…. Bot­tom line: Just because you were mar­ried, it shouldn’t mean that you should rape your X FOR LIFE !

  167. There were plenty of pro­grams & oppor­tu­ni­ties for you to get your degree, & with spousal pref­er­ence a good job in the GS world. Sounds like a lot of you missed the boat. Lazy or fixed on the fact that you will get half.

  168. You could have gone to col­lege and done other things to improve your­self. If there are chil­dren yes they should be taken care of. But the ex wife to be should get of the ass and work. The sevice mem­ber has sac­ri­ficed lots going to com­bat and injuries that he or she has to live. Like I said got to work and stop being a leech.

  169. Good for you! I agree not every­one are ded­i­cated to their mar­riage. My hus­band who was mar­ried 10 years had his 1/3 retire­ment pay after they divorce. The ex wife never con­tributed or sup­ported him in any­way on his career. But she thinks she owes her. For what? I am mar­ried to him for over twice their mar­riage and I felt she already got what she deserves for 10 years and it’s time to stop! I am not the bit­ter sec­ond wife but i felt my hus­band pay is being ripped off spe­cially if the ex wife had already remar­ried ear­lier way before us.

  170. Does any­one know if the Divorce Set­tle­ment can be changed? Thanks

  171. Ruth, you got it so right!!!! I salute you!

  172. Gen­er­ally it can only be mod­i­fied in regards to child sup­port. most say in decree that it is final and non nego­tiable. And the ex will get the retire­ment pay­ments for life regard­less of remarriage.

  173. She does not deserve half of every­thing greedy and lazy. Does not know how to work or she likes tak­ing advan­tavge so she does not have to work. Prob­a­bly she is on wel­fare also.

  174. My mother was the wife of a Navy Chief, who bore six chil­dren, and who worked when­ever it was needed. The mil­i­tary made cer­tain promises to the wives who waited at home with the chil­dren. Chil­dren did with­out their fathers and moth­ers nur­tured chil­dren, worked, and when he came home, every­thing was sup­posed to become his to rule as the head of house­hold. The adjust­ments were insane.

    When we marry, we promise to love, honor, and pro­tect each other, in sick­ness and in health. That doesn’t mean that when some lit­tle chippy ocmes along and wig­gles her fanny, he gets to divorce the old model and reward the new one, leav­ing her with­out to raise chil­dren and to cre­ate a life that she was denied while he was in the military.

    I’m the mother of five chil­dren, 3 of whom were from his first mar­riage. I trav­eled with him wher­ever the mil­i­tary sent him. I was NOT an officer’s wife. She cheated on him, and he caught her and took pic­tures. She wanted the divorce. He was at sea every three months, and she was drink­ing and every child was com­ing out deformed. He and I have known each other from child­hood and had I known, I might have told him that I loved him long before we got together. She left, signed divorce papers, paid for by him, and in the papers, she signed her rights away.

    He and I have been mar­ried some 31 years now. Our chil­dren are grown and we’re enjoy­ing our grand­chil­dren. Do you mean to say that she can come back out of the blue and col­lect against his and my retire­ment? Yes, I went to col­lege. I paid those fees. I became dis­abled, but I worked from home then. We bought our home, paid our insur­ances, he got out of the mil­i­tary with a dis­abil­ity and gets a check from the VA, and he works as well. He will be eli­gi­ble to take early retire­ment in November.

    I think I would take her to court before I would see her col­lect one red cent. I raised her chil­dren. She took no respon­si­bil­ity, and I will be damned before she takes one red cent that my hus­band worked and earned, or that I cried over being sep­a­rated from him while he did it.

    Those of you who are very busy den­i­grat­ing the first wife, are obvi­ously the sec­ond ones who wig­gled your lit­tle fanny. Oh yes, if she was a decent wife and he left, I would fight just as hard to help her get every dime that is her due.

    It depends on the cir­cum­stances in every case and not every mil­i­tary man is honorable.

  175. No they they do not deserve a dime enless they have chil­dren then they get child sup­port. Lazy ex wivers!!!!

  176. get a lawyer do not use your hus­bands lawyer… remem­ber the key word here is (((HIS LAWYER)))) so ever­thing said and being done in the court of law will be for his ben­e­fit.. and rep­re­sent­ing him… your soon to be ex

  177. YOu know what, you guys prob­a­bly had three choices..one of which was over­seas. I’m will­ing to bet you jumped on the over­seas post for the adven­ture know­ing FULL WELL that you would have to leave your job and might have dif­fi­culty find­ing a new one in a for­eign gov­ern­ment. I’m will­ing to bet you were OK with that until he cheated on you…your lack of a job is NOT all his fault…you played a part as well. And on top of it 5 kids by 4 dif­fer­ent women…you knew he was a slime ball when you mar­ried him.…

  178. I’m sure you were capa­ble of earn­ing your own retire­ment while you were mar­ried. You could have started your own career. Mil­i­tary careers are not the best either. You are respon­si­ble for tak­ing care of your­self. Just because you were mar­ried doesn’t relive you of that basic responsibility.

  179. Great response! I was mar­ried 10 years (non-military), divorced, only asked for CS for my chil­dren, was offered the pen­sion, but declined, as I had not been the one to earn it. I remar­ried a sol­dier, who had been mar­ried for 14 years. he thought the divorce was going smoothly, went to walk through the doors to see the judge, and his ex-wife’s attor­ney (which my now spouse apid for her to be rep­re­sented), stopped him and said, “Oh by the way, she is enti­tled to 35% of your retire­ment.” He had no knowl­edge (his fault), and felt he had to cave and agreed to 25%. The kicker, it is until he dies! She has since remar­ried as well, and gets 1/4 of his monthly retirement.

  180. not sure but won’t your checks be cut off since you got remar­ried. think you bet­ter check this out

  181. I wouldn’t agree to child sup­port and alimony until your out and know how much you are receiving…otherwise 100% of your retire­ment pay will be going to your ex.

  182. And that is exactly what Jim promised when he mar­ried her. He didn’t con­sider her to be lazy then.

  183. And you lady, you are a troll…constantly on here try­ing to defend your leach­ing pay from your ex spouse but in some delu­sional world you live in it’s not fair for a man to do it to a female spouse? You are a delu­sional troll lady. and this is com­ing from a FEMALE spouse who would NEVER con­sider leach­ing off of an ex.

  184. If you are so set on the ex being able to move on and not “grieve” his butt then she should move on from the pay­check too…especially if the lazy tart remar­ries. Which she prob­a­bly will since most have no actual life skills that aren’t out of date.

  185. I was a CSM wife. There are mil­i­tary spouses who are not even allowed to hold their own id card. I have bee on both sides of the fence. I am also a vet­eran. There were women who to stay in the house while their spouses was sent to the fields. Some didn’t have enough food to feed the fam­ily until he get back, nor if they would get sick they could not go to the clinic. You talk about get­ting a job. Any women that serve 10 yrs or more on active duty deserve their por­tion of pay. I went through hell being call names and even wanted to fight me. If i had given him a rea­son maybe i could see not get­ting any pay. I was call B#### so much i thought that was my name.

  186. Teh gov­ern­ment isn’t help­ing the “men” beat any­thing, if any­thing they are help­ing you to get money you didn’t earn. You could have worked and earned your retire­ment while you had kids once they were in school, you CHOSE not to.

    On a side note since you were mar­ried over 10 years you can have your SS ben­e­fit ana­lyzed to see if you would get a higher amount as cal­cu­lated on your ex’s earn­ings vs your own.

  187. u choose to waste ur 20 yrs, u choose to sac­ri­fice ur ambi­tions and future suc­cess to do noth­ing but stay at home and be unem­ployed or work as a wal­mart greeter

  188. thats ur prob­lem, if she made more than u, it could be a dif­fer­ent story, but u shouldve fig­ured all this out before u mar­ried. now she’ll have addi­tional income to shop and buy her replace­ment man toys

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